For as long as I can remember, my friend, I'll call him.... "Brian", has been telling me that I need to be dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming.
He thinks I'm a Luddite*, that I'm confused when it comes to the ways of the new world of technology, he thinks it is strangely ironic that I successfully sell high tech software to people that actually have functioning left brains.
Interestingly enough, a few years back, while working at a 3D sound technology company, the Orange County register wrote an article called, "The new face of technology," that featured a section about me.
Ironically, another good friend, I'll call him..."David," also thought this was quite amusing since he believes I can barely reset my cable box. For several months after, every time he would call me, he would greet me with, "Hey! How's the new face of technology?" And then he would laugh for a very long time.
That said, the article was not focused on my technical abilities (believe it or not) it was basically saying that there is room in the technology industry for people with other business qualifications - and they can actually make a pretty good go of it. Over the years, I've found this to be very true, lucky for me and many others that aren't techy, dweeby, geeky or nerdy. Don't get me wrong, I have a great respect for people that understand the ins and outs of a video compression codec, but in this brave new world, not everyone gets it. As a matter of fact, most people don't - just ask your Dad.
I've been in Sales and Marketing for many cutting edge tech companies over the years and I've found that my primary role is best summed up as, "interpreter." I get technical information from engineers, I transmorgify it in my brain, and then I spit out intelligible sales pitches, marketing messages and lay peoples' terms to everyone else. And by "everyone else," I mean the people with money to purchase, license or see the value in whatever technology I'm selling. I'm the person that makes people "get it and pay money for it," so to speak.
I love technology, but he is a cruel master.
What can I say? I have the soul of an early adopter, but the technical ability of a pencil.
But that's OK, you can still appreciate something you don't completely understand...sort of like how my Dad appreciates his iPhone.
Dad, I'll call him...Dad, has had his new iPhone for about a month now and once we got him over the hurdle of how to answer voicemail, it's been downhill ever since. He has adopted the "lingo" of an iPhone user, that said, he really only has 2 words and they apply to everything, "reset & App". Anything on his phone is now an "app," the settings, the keypad, the on/off button... I do my best to help him navigate his iPhone while on the phone with him, but when you only have 2 terms, it makes it difficult.
Dad: "Well, I'm touching the app button now, but it's not doing anything. Maybe I should reset it.
Me: "Which app are you talking about? Give it some time, don't just reset."
Dad: "I reset all the time because sometimes the app doesn't come up."
Me: "How often do you "reset" Dad?
Dad: "At least once a day. That might be why my settings are erased."
Me: "What?"
Dad: "By the way, is there an app that can play my DirecTV on the iPhone and automatically answer email if I don't want to?
Me: "They don't have that Dad. It doesn't exist."
Dad: "Well, someone should make that app, I would use it all the time."
Me: "Let's just focus on how to check email,OK?"
Dad: "I just reset it again, so we'll have to wait a minute for everything to come back up."
This is one of the few cases in which I feel technically superior to someone. It probably won't last long, my Dad is an accomplished PS3 player, so I'm guessing my smug superiority will only last another month or so.
Fortunately, I've married a person that takes care of all my firewall and computer needs, otherwise, I would pretty much be in the dark writing letters, darning socks and reading newspapers by candlelight.
Ultimately, I'm amazed and humbled by technology and though I doubt it is amazed and humbled by me...I think we have a mutual respect thing going on.
I may be crappy at algorithms and making small talk on FaceBook, but I know a good thing when I see it. Technology is becoming more accessible to people...including my Dad, and someone has to be able to tap into this market, to help it prosper, to gain market share... to make lots and lots of commission!
Which is why I am (dramatic pause) the new face of technology!!!!
Now I just need a job.
*Luddite - One who opposes technical or technological change. Neo-luddism does not equate necessarily to outright technophobia and includes the critical examination of the effects technology has on individuals and communities.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Digging up the past...
I'm not the kind of person that would consider myself nostalgic for the "old days."
I don't reminisce about Homecoming games, late night boozefests, or the year I wielded intoxicating, omnipotent power over 5,000 social science students as the Vice-Chair of the Behavioral Science School at CSULB...
Well, maybe I think back on the omnipotent power part - just a little.
Generally, thinking of old college days reminds me why I would never bother going back for a higher degree, most of it was a stress-induced nightmare, with a big side of work. Thank you, no.
High school was a lot more fun, but two things impinged on my general good time:
Number 1) Pre-Algebra, Algebra, Geometry, Geometry, Algebra, Geometry & Geometry - each one of those was a class I had to take and repeat over and over again, like that movie,'Ground Hog Day.' I wasted 4 years of high/summer school, not to mention the extra hours of tutoring from two high school math teachers, 1 student tutor and a computer learning center. Suffice it to say : I HATE MATH
IT IS MY CRYPTONITE!
Number 2) The tortuous breakdown of my family prior to my parents divorce
I'm not one of those people that would EVER want a re-do of my life up to this point - I don't care if you made me a perfect size 6, gave me perfect skin and let me be the Homecoming Queen - I'm not going back to school! You can't make me!
That said, the only thing from my past that I don't mind having pop up again are the people I met along the way.
There were a lot of good people I went to school with - many I've kept in touch with, but many I've lost track of. With the advent of FaceBook, I've actually found several old friends that I am glad to be back in touch with, along with a couple that I would have preferred to leave back in High School. Overall, it's been a good resource that allowed me to catch up with folks. That's how I heard about our High School reunion and pre-reunion party that I went to last week.
Lots of people worry that their old classmates will treat them badly, look more youthful or will completely outshine them when confronted with their accomplishments. Based on my experience, that's really not the case.
Time is the great equalizer. Everyone has grown up (believe it or not)- the bullies and the stuck up people too. And guess what? The cheerleaders and football players look like everyone else now. Many have kids, have been through divorces, are out of work, working for themselves, gained weight, had a little "work" done, are going back to school and are, by and large, productive, decent citizens.
Go figure.
I know there are still some that won't go to their high school reunions or catch up with people on Facebook (Brian), but I would urge you to at least consider reconnecting with people that you truly liked from the past.
All friends hold a piece of you, a snapshot of your life at a certain point in time, so when you disconnect from a friend, esoterically speaking, you lose a piece of yourself. Instead of re-living old memories, why not re-connect with people from your past and make new memories?
(Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if you touch base with an axe murder and are bludgeoned to death as a result of my encouragement)
Granted, some people can change in bad ways over time, as well as in good, but you can always "unfriend" them on FaceBook if absolutely necessary. Isn't modern life grand?!!
So, my advice this week is to Suck It Up and just get back in touch - even if it is a friend you haven't called for 3 years, just pick up the phone. Not only will you re-find your friend, you might also inadvertently find a part of you that has been missing for some time.
I don't reminisce about Homecoming games, late night boozefests, or the year I wielded intoxicating, omnipotent power over 5,000 social science students as the Vice-Chair of the Behavioral Science School at CSULB...
Well, maybe I think back on the omnipotent power part - just a little.
Generally, thinking of old college days reminds me why I would never bother going back for a higher degree, most of it was a stress-induced nightmare, with a big side of work. Thank you, no.
High school was a lot more fun, but two things impinged on my general good time:
Number 1) Pre-Algebra, Algebra, Geometry, Geometry, Algebra, Geometry & Geometry - each one of those was a class I had to take and repeat over and over again, like that movie,'Ground Hog Day.' I wasted 4 years of high/summer school, not to mention the extra hours of tutoring from two high school math teachers, 1 student tutor and a computer learning center. Suffice it to say : I HATE MATH
IT IS MY CRYPTONITE!
Number 2) The tortuous breakdown of my family prior to my parents divorce
I'm not one of those people that would EVER want a re-do of my life up to this point - I don't care if you made me a perfect size 6, gave me perfect skin and let me be the Homecoming Queen - I'm not going back to school! You can't make me!
That said, the only thing from my past that I don't mind having pop up again are the people I met along the way.
There were a lot of good people I went to school with - many I've kept in touch with, but many I've lost track of. With the advent of FaceBook, I've actually found several old friends that I am glad to be back in touch with, along with a couple that I would have preferred to leave back in High School. Overall, it's been a good resource that allowed me to catch up with folks. That's how I heard about our High School reunion and pre-reunion party that I went to last week.
Lots of people worry that their old classmates will treat them badly, look more youthful or will completely outshine them when confronted with their accomplishments. Based on my experience, that's really not the case.
Time is the great equalizer. Everyone has grown up (believe it or not)- the bullies and the stuck up people too. And guess what? The cheerleaders and football players look like everyone else now. Many have kids, have been through divorces, are out of work, working for themselves, gained weight, had a little "work" done, are going back to school and are, by and large, productive, decent citizens.
Go figure.
I know there are still some that won't go to their high school reunions or catch up with people on Facebook (Brian), but I would urge you to at least consider reconnecting with people that you truly liked from the past.
All friends hold a piece of you, a snapshot of your life at a certain point in time, so when you disconnect from a friend, esoterically speaking, you lose a piece of yourself. Instead of re-living old memories, why not re-connect with people from your past and make new memories?
(Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if you touch base with an axe murder and are bludgeoned to death as a result of my encouragement)
Granted, some people can change in bad ways over time, as well as in good, but you can always "unfriend" them on FaceBook if absolutely necessary. Isn't modern life grand?!!
So, my advice this week is to Suck It Up and just get back in touch - even if it is a friend you haven't called for 3 years, just pick up the phone. Not only will you re-find your friend, you might also inadvertently find a part of you that has been missing for some time.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Let's Party!!!
My grandparents knew how to party.
I'm not talking jello shots and a bag of chips on the makeshift coffee table kind of partying, I'm talking about place cards, sit down meals, charades, costumes, party favors - the real deal. My grandparents had at least 4 or 5 handwritten party invitations sitting on their kitchen counter at any given time. I was in awe of how popular they were and how many friends they had. They enjoyed a seemingly endless cavalcade of parties, club events and bridge nights that kept them busy most days. They were ENGAGED with their friends and people in general. My husband's parents are very much like that too - attending parties, book clubs, lectures, doing charity work and actively embracing not only their friends, but people they don't even know. Shocking isn't it?!
I mention this because I've noticed in recent years, people by and large, have all but stopped having parties and consciously interacting with others. Obviously, there are still parties for birthdays and occasionally, the housewarming, but the dinner, cocktail and the "just because" parties have seem to have fallen by the wayside. I noticed it started just after 9/11 - because before that I was constantly going to parties and events and had a VERY good time, as I recall.
It's a shame so many social engagements have been suspended, because in some small way, it signals a time in our history where people have become more withdrawn, anti-social and isolated from each other. I think we may still be feeling the effects of 9/11 and all of the negativity that came after it.
Are we Facebooking, Twittering, XBoxing and TV watching our way into social oblivion? Do we feel safer just observing or interacting behind an avatar in cyberspace or is it just easier & lower maintenance to make invisible friends online?
How many kids/people do you know that are so focused on their Gameboy, the Internet or watching their favorite movie for the 10th time, that they don't even notice other humans in the room?
Have you observed the slow down of interesting, thought provoking conversations or the inability of people to make casual conversation? When was the last time someone looked you in the eye and asked you thoughtful questions backed up by genuine interest? How about politeness and paying attention - what happened to those little gems?
Riddle me this: Is there a restaurant or bar in this country where the sound system is NOT turned up to "11" and where multiple sporting events are NOT being televised at the same time, rendering speech useless? I don't think so, Batman.
In my humble opinion, we are experiencing a social & cultural sea change brought on by a perfect storm of technology, the economic tsunami, burn out and a vast, national malaise.
We are making it more and more difficult to interact with others face to face - even if we actually are face to face. A conscious effort to re-engineer how we deal with people may be required.
It might mean inviting friends over for dinner or a potluck and a game of Pictionary regularly, choosing a walk at the beach over an evening of online gaming, starting a book club or discussion group with people you may not know well. There are a lot of ways to enjoy people's company and it doesn't require loads of money or major planning.
Admittedly, times are tough right now, but I think that is all the more reason for people to band together and shore up what's left of our waning happiness, social interaction and civility. In spite of everything, we still depend on friendship and personal relationships, even if we occasionally succumb to the siren call of the Tivo.
I look forward to the day when I am regularly booked for parties and functions - garden parties, pinochle & canasta games (I've never played), formal cocktail soirees, I don't really care what, I just want to be on the guest list.
My husband and I throw quite a few parties and we enjoy doing it - I think we had around 8 different parties this summer. That said, as much as I love the "usual suspects," I would like to meet new people and schmooze at someone else's wonderful party. Most importantly, I want to concentrate on the lost art of connecting with people, making new friends and maybe for a fleeting moment, ponder my burgeoning popularity ;)
I'm not talking jello shots and a bag of chips on the makeshift coffee table kind of partying, I'm talking about place cards, sit down meals, charades, costumes, party favors - the real deal. My grandparents had at least 4 or 5 handwritten party invitations sitting on their kitchen counter at any given time. I was in awe of how popular they were and how many friends they had. They enjoyed a seemingly endless cavalcade of parties, club events and bridge nights that kept them busy most days. They were ENGAGED with their friends and people in general. My husband's parents are very much like that too - attending parties, book clubs, lectures, doing charity work and actively embracing not only their friends, but people they don't even know. Shocking isn't it?!
I mention this because I've noticed in recent years, people by and large, have all but stopped having parties and consciously interacting with others. Obviously, there are still parties for birthdays and occasionally, the housewarming, but the dinner, cocktail and the "just because" parties have seem to have fallen by the wayside. I noticed it started just after 9/11 - because before that I was constantly going to parties and events and had a VERY good time, as I recall.
It's a shame so many social engagements have been suspended, because in some small way, it signals a time in our history where people have become more withdrawn, anti-social and isolated from each other. I think we may still be feeling the effects of 9/11 and all of the negativity that came after it.
Are we Facebooking, Twittering, XBoxing and TV watching our way into social oblivion? Do we feel safer just observing or interacting behind an avatar in cyberspace or is it just easier & lower maintenance to make invisible friends online?
How many kids/people do you know that are so focused on their Gameboy, the Internet or watching their favorite movie for the 10th time, that they don't even notice other humans in the room?
Have you observed the slow down of interesting, thought provoking conversations or the inability of people to make casual conversation? When was the last time someone looked you in the eye and asked you thoughtful questions backed up by genuine interest? How about politeness and paying attention - what happened to those little gems?
Riddle me this: Is there a restaurant or bar in this country where the sound system is NOT turned up to "11" and where multiple sporting events are NOT being televised at the same time, rendering speech useless? I don't think so, Batman.
In my humble opinion, we are experiencing a social & cultural sea change brought on by a perfect storm of technology, the economic tsunami, burn out and a vast, national malaise.
We are making it more and more difficult to interact with others face to face - even if we actually are face to face. A conscious effort to re-engineer how we deal with people may be required.
It might mean inviting friends over for dinner or a potluck and a game of Pictionary regularly, choosing a walk at the beach over an evening of online gaming, starting a book club or discussion group with people you may not know well. There are a lot of ways to enjoy people's company and it doesn't require loads of money or major planning.
Admittedly, times are tough right now, but I think that is all the more reason for people to band together and shore up what's left of our waning happiness, social interaction and civility. In spite of everything, we still depend on friendship and personal relationships, even if we occasionally succumb to the siren call of the Tivo.
I look forward to the day when I am regularly booked for parties and functions - garden parties, pinochle & canasta games (I've never played), formal cocktail soirees, I don't really care what, I just want to be on the guest list.
My husband and I throw quite a few parties and we enjoy doing it - I think we had around 8 different parties this summer. That said, as much as I love the "usual suspects," I would like to meet new people and schmooze at someone else's wonderful party. Most importantly, I want to concentrate on the lost art of connecting with people, making new friends and maybe for a fleeting moment, ponder my burgeoning popularity ;)
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
It's nice to be nice
If you don't know me, I should tell you straight out, that I'm the kind of person that believes that vast majority of people are failing miserably on the "Niceness Scale." They aren't outright bad people, but they aren't going to go out of their way for you either.
Why am I so pessimistic/realistic about people you ask? Because I don't believe that most people can regularly look beyond their more self-centered interests. To be perfectly honest, I often wonder if I can regularly look beyond my self-centered interests. Believe me, I am not sitting in judgment here, I'm just making an observation.
Everyday, we are given options to do good or to help others out in some way and we usually don't take advantage of those opportunities because A) If we don't do the nice thing, no one will know B) If the gesture is small, it won't matter anyway C) Someone else will probably do it instead (husbands regularly abuse this one - so I've heard).
These are all crappy excuses, but I know for a fact, I rifle through every one of them when I'm debating whether I want to be helpful or not. Sometimes, my "better angels" are on a smoking break and I'm left to my own devices to make a choice.
They really should quit smoking.
That said, I realize that sometimes you've got to fly solo and do good for the sake of doing good - no matter if it is only a small thing or if no reward is forthcoming. I've decided to (generally) ignore the darker, self-interested side of my humanity and make the effort to make the effort. If life is truly its own reward, as I believe, then I need to start rewarding people more.
Good friends can teach you what you lack. I've always observed my friends for tips on how to do things - there is always something to learn, if you picked the right people. I have a lot of generous and giving friends that I am already starting to spy on. (Watch out generous friends - I'm spying on YOU!)
I've also found that doing something nice or helping someone out, is a lot harder to do when you are working. I find I'm a lot more helpful, patient and generous, when I have more time on my hands. The true test is how nice, patient and generous you are when you are busy...
Even if you are working, you can still give a little of your time to help someone or let the mom with the screaming baby move ahead of you in line at the store. Not only are you being helpful to the poor Mom, you are also getting that screaming child out of the store faster, which benefits everyone! :)
I've already started my kindness assault, but instead of listing all of the wonderful things I've done this week, I thought I'd list the nice things that people have done for me (note: many involve food):
- Aytac & Michelle brought us fresh fish from their Alaskan fishing trip
- Laurie brought over two bottles of wine and shrimp for lunch the other day
- A lady at the grocery store let me move ahead in line (I wasn't even screaming!)
- Elsa forwarded my resume to her friend with a job opening
- Laurie is giving her family hotel credits for a December trip (extra kudos to her!)
- Deb is making cupcakes to bring to my house on Sunday
- Ross cleaned, sanitized & de-anted the kitchen & was a great host this weekend
That's a pretty good list - plus, I know I've left some things out as well. And before you say, "Ah ha! Apparently, you were wrong since you said average people aren't nice and then you listed a bunch of people you know that just did a bunch of nice things."
Number 1: I'm never, ever wrong - just ask my husband, Ross.
Number 2: I don't have "average people" as friends. So there. I win.
My challenge to you, as well as, for myself, is to pay it forward and consciously do a nice thing for someone every day. If you can work up to two or three things a day, even better. Whether you know the person or not, just do it!
Let me know if someone has done something particularly nice for you or if you have done something that made someone very grateful.
If you are looking to direct your niceness at a charity, but don't have one, you can help out with one of my favorite charities:
www.CrownJewelClub.org or find your own at www.CharityNavigator.org
Good luck and remember: It's nice to be nice to the nice....
Why am I so pessimistic/realistic about people you ask? Because I don't believe that most people can regularly look beyond their more self-centered interests. To be perfectly honest, I often wonder if I can regularly look beyond my self-centered interests. Believe me, I am not sitting in judgment here, I'm just making an observation.
Everyday, we are given options to do good or to help others out in some way and we usually don't take advantage of those opportunities because A) If we don't do the nice thing, no one will know B) If the gesture is small, it won't matter anyway C) Someone else will probably do it instead (husbands regularly abuse this one - so I've heard).
These are all crappy excuses, but I know for a fact, I rifle through every one of them when I'm debating whether I want to be helpful or not. Sometimes, my "better angels" are on a smoking break and I'm left to my own devices to make a choice.
They really should quit smoking.
That said, I realize that sometimes you've got to fly solo and do good for the sake of doing good - no matter if it is only a small thing or if no reward is forthcoming. I've decided to (generally) ignore the darker, self-interested side of my humanity and make the effort to make the effort. If life is truly its own reward, as I believe, then I need to start rewarding people more.
Good friends can teach you what you lack. I've always observed my friends for tips on how to do things - there is always something to learn, if you picked the right people. I have a lot of generous and giving friends that I am already starting to spy on. (Watch out generous friends - I'm spying on YOU!)
I've also found that doing something nice or helping someone out, is a lot harder to do when you are working. I find I'm a lot more helpful, patient and generous, when I have more time on my hands. The true test is how nice, patient and generous you are when you are busy...
Even if you are working, you can still give a little of your time to help someone or let the mom with the screaming baby move ahead of you in line at the store. Not only are you being helpful to the poor Mom, you are also getting that screaming child out of the store faster, which benefits everyone! :)
I've already started my kindness assault, but instead of listing all of the wonderful things I've done this week, I thought I'd list the nice things that people have done for me (note: many involve food):
- Aytac & Michelle brought us fresh fish from their Alaskan fishing trip
- Laurie brought over two bottles of wine and shrimp for lunch the other day
- A lady at the grocery store let me move ahead in line (I wasn't even screaming!)
- Elsa forwarded my resume to her friend with a job opening
- Laurie is giving her family hotel credits for a December trip (extra kudos to her!)
- Deb is making cupcakes to bring to my house on Sunday
- Ross cleaned, sanitized & de-anted the kitchen & was a great host this weekend
That's a pretty good list - plus, I know I've left some things out as well. And before you say, "Ah ha! Apparently, you were wrong since you said average people aren't nice and then you listed a bunch of people you know that just did a bunch of nice things."
Number 1: I'm never, ever wrong - just ask my husband, Ross.
Number 2: I don't have "average people" as friends. So there. I win.
My challenge to you, as well as, for myself, is to pay it forward and consciously do a nice thing for someone every day. If you can work up to two or three things a day, even better. Whether you know the person or not, just do it!
Let me know if someone has done something particularly nice for you or if you have done something that made someone very grateful.
If you are looking to direct your niceness at a charity, but don't have one, you can help out with one of my favorite charities:
www.CrownJewelClub.org or find your own at www.CharityNavigator.org
Good luck and remember: It's nice to be nice to the nice....
Monday, August 31, 2009
Some of my best friends are men...
I just got a call today, from my friend Erik. I've known Erik since about 6th or 7th grade - which puts us in the 25+ year friendship range. He calls once a month or so and when he's in town, we usually end up hanging out over a meal. Occasionally, his lovely wife and kids come along when they are out for a long weekend.
Erik told me something really bothersome that happened to his 13 year old daughter
this week at school. It was bothersome because it really struck a chord with me - a chord that was struck somewhere around 2nd grade and is still reverberating decades later in the back of my skull. But I digress...
Erik's daughter is every parent's dream, not only is she smart, outgoing and beautiful, she is extremely well-mannered and happens to love her parents. Which probably is why one of the cliques that she had associated with last year, wants nothing to do with her.
Apparently, these evil little 13 year old twerps, hadn't seen her over the summer, and they didn't like her speaking to new friends at school, so they decided to unanimously banish her from the clique - via TEXT MESSAGE!!! What kind of freakishly insecure morons do that you ask???? What vile, twisted cold-hearted airheads would text a friend something like that?
Oh yea, pretty much most girls between 7 and 19 that reside on the planet.
Dealing with these idiots is a rite of passage that no one tells you about or prepares you for. It's what I remember a psychologist friend of mine calling in scientific terms, "The Mind Fuck."
Yes, that is exactly what it is and exactly what it feels like and a 7 year old girl can perfect it.
Ask any woman that has had female friends as a child (most of us) and they will tell you about their experiences of being excluded from games of jump rope, picked on about their weight, height, clothing, crying while watching school mates run away inexplicably, or hurl vicious insults - all executed masterfully by their very best childhood girlfriends.
Frankly, little girls suck - there, I said it! They are mistresses of backstabbing, pettiness and group think. At an early age, we learn the unspoken language of taking power, destroying people emotionally and maintaining popularity with the majority...it's amazing most of us didn't grow up to be politicians.
It is vital to know this second language and the unwritten protocol of girls or you will never have a chance to learn how to maneuver through the female undercurrent successfully. You will be outcast, chastised, politely ignored or hated by most women if you don't learn the rules.
Just sit down and watch the TV show MadMen about NY Ad men and the women around them in the early 60's. Women viewers will pick up on all of the unspoken situations involving the female characters that men watching would miss entire. Worlds of information are passed along without a single word or just a few. If you are a guy that watches MadMen, have a woman sit next to you, so she can tell you what you are missing.
Personally, I got fed up with girls when I was 8 or 9 and decided to switch teams...so to speak. Most of my friends were boys until about Sophomore year.
Once I started hanging out regularly with my guy friends, it felt kind of liberating. I didn't have to call them every night to plan what to wear to school the next day and it seemed there was always room for another outfielder if I wanted to play baseball. When boys are mad at you, they tell you or they hit you, then it's over. When you piss off a girlfriend, the next day at school you find out half of your girlfriends won't speak to you and the other half want to know the inside scoop.
It's just a whole different, stress free kind of relationship with males. You can joke around and make fun of them and they don't take it personally. If they make fun of you or laugh at one of your jokes, that means you've made it into the club. Guys just don't laugh at stuff to be polite, it has to be REALLY funny or they won't give you the laugh. Good friendships with guys are more a matter of respect and holding your own. Friendships with girls are more about appearing not to be better than anyone else, but popular enough to be respected by most people in the group at any given time.
Relationships with women are just automatically more complicated - there is a lot more going on, constantly, and you have to be aware of it. With the kind of friendship monitoring that needs to be done with a girlfriend, you end up knowing someone really well. Of course, men have deep friendships too, but I think the rapport is built through shared experiences, verses knowing what makes your friend tick on a deep level.
If you put it in trite, limited, literary terms - men are like an Ernest Hemingway story, entertaining, striking and to the point, and women are like James Mitchner novels, lots of detail, nuance and require an investment of time. Both have their merits, but sometimes, you just want a good story, without having to wade through 1500 pages. And sometimes, it's the other way around.
Now, it might sound like I'm bashing the girls here, but in truth, once they grow up, they truly grow up. I have made some incredibly loyal and good female friends over the past 10 years and really enjoy their generosity, sensitivity and friendship. My female friends are funny, well-traveled, creative and very smart - I wish I had met them in grade school!
Getting back to my friend Erik's daughter... My suggestion to her would be to choose friends based on how kind, compassionate, secure and trustworthy they are, male or female. Lose the ones that don't meet your criteria. Remember, you set the bar for yourself, don't let anyone else do it for you. When you look at your friends, do they represent the best aspects of you? Are you proud of them and their behavior?
It seems like the evil monster girls that enjoy texting poison pen letters, have crossed themselves off your list - and you are well rid of them!
If you do it right when you are young and pick great people to be friends with, you'll be on the phone 25 years from today with one of them.
Erik told me something really bothersome that happened to his 13 year old daughter
this week at school. It was bothersome because it really struck a chord with me - a chord that was struck somewhere around 2nd grade and is still reverberating decades later in the back of my skull. But I digress...
Erik's daughter is every parent's dream, not only is she smart, outgoing and beautiful, she is extremely well-mannered and happens to love her parents. Which probably is why one of the cliques that she had associated with last year, wants nothing to do with her.
Apparently, these evil little 13 year old twerps, hadn't seen her over the summer, and they didn't like her speaking to new friends at school, so they decided to unanimously banish her from the clique - via TEXT MESSAGE!!! What kind of freakishly insecure morons do that you ask???? What vile, twisted cold-hearted airheads would text a friend something like that?
Oh yea, pretty much most girls between 7 and 19 that reside on the planet.
Dealing with these idiots is a rite of passage that no one tells you about or prepares you for. It's what I remember a psychologist friend of mine calling in scientific terms, "The Mind Fuck."
Yes, that is exactly what it is and exactly what it feels like and a 7 year old girl can perfect it.
Ask any woman that has had female friends as a child (most of us) and they will tell you about their experiences of being excluded from games of jump rope, picked on about their weight, height, clothing, crying while watching school mates run away inexplicably, or hurl vicious insults - all executed masterfully by their very best childhood girlfriends.
Frankly, little girls suck - there, I said it! They are mistresses of backstabbing, pettiness and group think. At an early age, we learn the unspoken language of taking power, destroying people emotionally and maintaining popularity with the majority...it's amazing most of us didn't grow up to be politicians.
It is vital to know this second language and the unwritten protocol of girls or you will never have a chance to learn how to maneuver through the female undercurrent successfully. You will be outcast, chastised, politely ignored or hated by most women if you don't learn the rules.
Just sit down and watch the TV show MadMen about NY Ad men and the women around them in the early 60's. Women viewers will pick up on all of the unspoken situations involving the female characters that men watching would miss entire. Worlds of information are passed along without a single word or just a few. If you are a guy that watches MadMen, have a woman sit next to you, so she can tell you what you are missing.
Personally, I got fed up with girls when I was 8 or 9 and decided to switch teams...so to speak. Most of my friends were boys until about Sophomore year.
Once I started hanging out regularly with my guy friends, it felt kind of liberating. I didn't have to call them every night to plan what to wear to school the next day and it seemed there was always room for another outfielder if I wanted to play baseball. When boys are mad at you, they tell you or they hit you, then it's over. When you piss off a girlfriend, the next day at school you find out half of your girlfriends won't speak to you and the other half want to know the inside scoop.
It's just a whole different, stress free kind of relationship with males. You can joke around and make fun of them and they don't take it personally. If they make fun of you or laugh at one of your jokes, that means you've made it into the club. Guys just don't laugh at stuff to be polite, it has to be REALLY funny or they won't give you the laugh. Good friendships with guys are more a matter of respect and holding your own. Friendships with girls are more about appearing not to be better than anyone else, but popular enough to be respected by most people in the group at any given time.
Relationships with women are just automatically more complicated - there is a lot more going on, constantly, and you have to be aware of it. With the kind of friendship monitoring that needs to be done with a girlfriend, you end up knowing someone really well. Of course, men have deep friendships too, but I think the rapport is built through shared experiences, verses knowing what makes your friend tick on a deep level.
If you put it in trite, limited, literary terms - men are like an Ernest Hemingway story, entertaining, striking and to the point, and women are like James Mitchner novels, lots of detail, nuance and require an investment of time. Both have their merits, but sometimes, you just want a good story, without having to wade through 1500 pages. And sometimes, it's the other way around.
Now, it might sound like I'm bashing the girls here, but in truth, once they grow up, they truly grow up. I have made some incredibly loyal and good female friends over the past 10 years and really enjoy their generosity, sensitivity and friendship. My female friends are funny, well-traveled, creative and very smart - I wish I had met them in grade school!
Getting back to my friend Erik's daughter... My suggestion to her would be to choose friends based on how kind, compassionate, secure and trustworthy they are, male or female. Lose the ones that don't meet your criteria. Remember, you set the bar for yourself, don't let anyone else do it for you. When you look at your friends, do they represent the best aspects of you? Are you proud of them and their behavior?
It seems like the evil monster girls that enjoy texting poison pen letters, have crossed themselves off your list - and you are well rid of them!
If you do it right when you are young and pick great people to be friends with, you'll be on the phone 25 years from today with one of them.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Revenge: You gotta love it!
Ah, sweet revenge...truly one of the most satisfying things I can think of...
I saw the new Tarantino movie, "Inglourious Basterds" this weekend and started thinking about the psychological satisfaction of getting revenge. I won't give away the movie, but the basic premise is about an elite squad of Jewish American soldiers in WWII that terrorize the Nazis. Granted, this is a fantasy with historical & gruesome overtones, but it gives you a sense of pleasure seeing the Nazis get their just desserts, even if true events didn't play out exactly as portrayed. It got me to thinking about how satisfying it is to even the playing field, teach someone a lesson or literally take an eye for an eye. Even just the thought of getting even can sometimes be enough to quell the sense of injustice you might be the victim of.
Granted, I was born a surly scorpion on a dark day in November, which is why I love revenge almost as much as I love chocolate and small kittens. I don't think of myself as an evil person, in spite of the 666 prefix on my phone number - I just think people that do naughty things should get payback.
Revenge is an important part of teaching life lessons and helping misguided people evolve to become a better version of themselves. It's kind of Biblical if you think about it - I take that "Do unto others' line to heart. In my view, if you can help some wayward soul see the error of their ways, you are actually doing them and countless other potential victims of their negativity a big service. Revenge is a reaction to vengeance inflicted - it is a secondary, defensive action that would never have been launched without due cause.
Keeping that in mind, revenge should not be ventured into lightly, the action against you should be large enough to really piss you off, not just annoy or peeve you. It is also important that the other party, by most reasonable people's standards, did something ABSOLUTELY wrong and hurtful that required thought or conscious planning to inflict.
Here's a little test - which of these people deserves wrath?
a) Someone steals the parking spot you have been waiting for
b) Your best friend sleeps with your spouse
If you answered b, you are correct, if you answered a, you need to enroll in anger management classes.
That said, it is important to have a well-thought out plan on how to exact revenge, while also teaching a lesson and staying out of trouble yourself. Remember, revenge is not fulfilling if you get into trouble for it.
One of my favorite examples of revenge was inflicted by a friend of mine several years ago. Her husband had invited a friend of his to stay a week at their house about a month after they got married. It was supposed to be temporary and the house guest was just thrust on my friend, with no prior discussion.
Well, after 3 months, the house guest in question was still there and her husband refused to have him leave. In this case, there were two culprits, the husband and the house guest. Fortunately, my friend had two important pieces of info on the house guest: he was wanted in another state for a drunk driving offense and he had not paid taxes to the IRS in years.
She asked the guy one more time to leave and he refused, so she went upstairs, called the police and explained that there was a fugitive from the law in her house that needed to be picked up. Someone without an air tight plan, might have stopped there. However, to ensure that this house guest would never return again, she called the IRS and gave them an anonymous tip with information about where they could find this guy to get their tax money. She figured an audit would keep him busy for a while.
Needless to say, the house guest was gone that day, no one knew who tipped off the police and IRS and she got her house back. Her husband was shocked by the events that day , but she suggested that it should be a lesson to his friend to never drink and drive, because the long arm of the law will find you. (With a little help)
The point is, she didn't vandalize or set fire to anything, she had a solid, rational plan. (yes, she did eventually kick her husband to the curb)
This type of revenge isn't on the same scale as the Inglourious Basterds, but she assured me it was extremely satisfying nonetheless.
Frankly, people need to understand the importance of consequences. They can't just go running around like selfish heathens without payback.
Sometimes an act of revenge can be instantaneous after a situation has been assessed. My sister was at the mall one day and saw this woman angrily beating her small toddler in front of everyone. I think the woman even bit her child at one point. Everyone was shocked, but no one did anything until my sister stepped up and started screaming at the top of her lungs something to the effect of: "This woman is beating her child, call security!!! Get security over here right away, this woman is abusing this child!!!" She followed the woman all throughout the mall yelling for security and security eventually showed up. Apparently, the woman became so disconcerted (and hopefully ashamed) she ran for the parking lot.
How good did my sister feel after this event? Fucking great. At the very least, I doubt that woman would try hitting her kid in public again, at the best, she was called out in front of dozens of strangers for behaving in a disgusting, inhumane manner and maybe she has dealt with her anger problem because of it.
Ideally, we are on this planet to help each other evolve and be better. Sometimes taking revenge is the best thing we can do to help our fellow human beings see the error of their ways. Ultimately, it is up to them to change, but a thump on the head might coax them in the right direction.
Getting back to another Tarantino film... Sam Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction saw himself as the righteous man, the shepherd, just trying to help God keep the weak flock from doing evil. I'm not sure if he is the best character to make my revenge point, however I did like his quote:
"There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
I'm not a religious person, but I do like the concept.
So if you want my advice, get out there and make the world a better place through taking revenge ;) You might want to memorize the passage above, it will probably scare the crap out of your favorite evildoer.
I saw the new Tarantino movie, "Inglourious Basterds" this weekend and started thinking about the psychological satisfaction of getting revenge. I won't give away the movie, but the basic premise is about an elite squad of Jewish American soldiers in WWII that terrorize the Nazis. Granted, this is a fantasy with historical & gruesome overtones, but it gives you a sense of pleasure seeing the Nazis get their just desserts, even if true events didn't play out exactly as portrayed. It got me to thinking about how satisfying it is to even the playing field, teach someone a lesson or literally take an eye for an eye. Even just the thought of getting even can sometimes be enough to quell the sense of injustice you might be the victim of.
Granted, I was born a surly scorpion on a dark day in November, which is why I love revenge almost as much as I love chocolate and small kittens. I don't think of myself as an evil person, in spite of the 666 prefix on my phone number - I just think people that do naughty things should get payback.
Revenge is an important part of teaching life lessons and helping misguided people evolve to become a better version of themselves. It's kind of Biblical if you think about it - I take that "Do unto others' line to heart. In my view, if you can help some wayward soul see the error of their ways, you are actually doing them and countless other potential victims of their negativity a big service. Revenge is a reaction to vengeance inflicted - it is a secondary, defensive action that would never have been launched without due cause.
Keeping that in mind, revenge should not be ventured into lightly, the action against you should be large enough to really piss you off, not just annoy or peeve you. It is also important that the other party, by most reasonable people's standards, did something ABSOLUTELY wrong and hurtful that required thought or conscious planning to inflict.
Here's a little test - which of these people deserves wrath?
a) Someone steals the parking spot you have been waiting for
b) Your best friend sleeps with your spouse
If you answered b, you are correct, if you answered a, you need to enroll in anger management classes.
That said, it is important to have a well-thought out plan on how to exact revenge, while also teaching a lesson and staying out of trouble yourself. Remember, revenge is not fulfilling if you get into trouble for it.
One of my favorite examples of revenge was inflicted by a friend of mine several years ago. Her husband had invited a friend of his to stay a week at their house about a month after they got married. It was supposed to be temporary and the house guest was just thrust on my friend, with no prior discussion.
Well, after 3 months, the house guest in question was still there and her husband refused to have him leave. In this case, there were two culprits, the husband and the house guest. Fortunately, my friend had two important pieces of info on the house guest: he was wanted in another state for a drunk driving offense and he had not paid taxes to the IRS in years.
She asked the guy one more time to leave and he refused, so she went upstairs, called the police and explained that there was a fugitive from the law in her house that needed to be picked up. Someone without an air tight plan, might have stopped there. However, to ensure that this house guest would never return again, she called the IRS and gave them an anonymous tip with information about where they could find this guy to get their tax money. She figured an audit would keep him busy for a while.
Needless to say, the house guest was gone that day, no one knew who tipped off the police and IRS and she got her house back. Her husband was shocked by the events that day , but she suggested that it should be a lesson to his friend to never drink and drive, because the long arm of the law will find you. (With a little help)
The point is, she didn't vandalize or set fire to anything, she had a solid, rational plan. (yes, she did eventually kick her husband to the curb)
This type of revenge isn't on the same scale as the Inglourious Basterds, but she assured me it was extremely satisfying nonetheless.
Frankly, people need to understand the importance of consequences. They can't just go running around like selfish heathens without payback.
Sometimes an act of revenge can be instantaneous after a situation has been assessed. My sister was at the mall one day and saw this woman angrily beating her small toddler in front of everyone. I think the woman even bit her child at one point. Everyone was shocked, but no one did anything until my sister stepped up and started screaming at the top of her lungs something to the effect of: "This woman is beating her child, call security!!! Get security over here right away, this woman is abusing this child!!!" She followed the woman all throughout the mall yelling for security and security eventually showed up. Apparently, the woman became so disconcerted (and hopefully ashamed) she ran for the parking lot.
How good did my sister feel after this event? Fucking great. At the very least, I doubt that woman would try hitting her kid in public again, at the best, she was called out in front of dozens of strangers for behaving in a disgusting, inhumane manner and maybe she has dealt with her anger problem because of it.
Ideally, we are on this planet to help each other evolve and be better. Sometimes taking revenge is the best thing we can do to help our fellow human beings see the error of their ways. Ultimately, it is up to them to change, but a thump on the head might coax them in the right direction.
Getting back to another Tarantino film... Sam Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction saw himself as the righteous man, the shepherd, just trying to help God keep the weak flock from doing evil. I'm not sure if he is the best character to make my revenge point, however I did like his quote:
"There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
I'm not a religious person, but I do like the concept.
So if you want my advice, get out there and make the world a better place through taking revenge ;) You might want to memorize the passage above, it will probably scare the crap out of your favorite evildoer.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Welcome back to my second blog posting - a little over two years from my last blog posting.
Yes, I'm on fire.
Just to clear up some old business - the girl baby from my last post, was finally named. I think I've left you hanging long enough. The child in question is now called....."Sophie" and regrettably, not Brunhilda. Why? I don't know. I secretly refer to her as Brunhilda anyway.
I saw that movie, Julie and Julia last night and thought about my sad little abandoned blog. To be honest, I had no idea where my blog was, I just Googled, "Blog websites" and went to the first one and realized that I was still logged in. So, here I am again, at my newly found Blog, Disrecognized Space. (That's for all of you Aeon Flux fans)
I don't have a point. I thought I'd write about a lot of topics that I find personally interesting - which could easily leave me the only one reading my blog. I'm guessing I'll be writing about travel, work life, films, politics, friends that are treating me badly (Beware Friends!), archaeology, observations, strange interactions with people, anything supernatural, technology, animals, food, music, cartoons or things that really irritate me. The last topic is one of my favorites. I collide regularly with sources of extreme irritation. Ask anyone.
As a personal promise from me to you, I will bookmark this site, so I can find it again. I will also update it more often than every two years. This should make the legions of readers out there breathe a deep sigh of relief. I'm sure it was like waiting for a new Harry Potter book to come out. Sorry fans - I'm back now.
BTW, feel free to comment on anything I write, I like the interaction, even if I decide that you are completely wrong.
Stay tuned...
Yes, I'm on fire.
Just to clear up some old business - the girl baby from my last post, was finally named. I think I've left you hanging long enough. The child in question is now called....."Sophie" and regrettably, not Brunhilda. Why? I don't know. I secretly refer to her as Brunhilda anyway.
I saw that movie, Julie and Julia last night and thought about my sad little abandoned blog. To be honest, I had no idea where my blog was, I just Googled, "Blog websites" and went to the first one and realized that I was still logged in. So, here I am again, at my newly found Blog, Disrecognized Space. (That's for all of you Aeon Flux fans)
I don't have a point. I thought I'd write about a lot of topics that I find personally interesting - which could easily leave me the only one reading my blog. I'm guessing I'll be writing about travel, work life, films, politics, friends that are treating me badly (Beware Friends!), archaeology, observations, strange interactions with people, anything supernatural, technology, animals, food, music, cartoons or things that really irritate me. The last topic is one of my favorites. I collide regularly with sources of extreme irritation. Ask anyone.
As a personal promise from me to you, I will bookmark this site, so I can find it again. I will also update it more often than every two years. This should make the legions of readers out there breathe a deep sigh of relief. I'm sure it was like waiting for a new Harry Potter book to come out. Sorry fans - I'm back now.
BTW, feel free to comment on anything I write, I like the interaction, even if I decide that you are completely wrong.
Stay tuned...
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