I just got a call today, from my friend Erik. I've known Erik since about 6th or 7th grade - which puts us in the 25+ year friendship range. He calls once a month or so and when he's in town, we usually end up hanging out over a meal. Occasionally, his lovely wife and kids come along when they are out for a long weekend.
Erik told me something really bothersome that happened to his 13 year old daughter
this week at school. It was bothersome because it really struck a chord with me - a chord that was struck somewhere around 2nd grade and is still reverberating decades later in the back of my skull. But I digress...
Erik's daughter is every parent's dream, not only is she smart, outgoing and beautiful, she is extremely well-mannered and happens to love her parents. Which probably is why one of the cliques that she had associated with last year, wants nothing to do with her.
Apparently, these evil little 13 year old twerps, hadn't seen her over the summer, and they didn't like her speaking to new friends at school, so they decided to unanimously banish her from the clique - via TEXT MESSAGE!!! What kind of freakishly insecure morons do that you ask???? What vile, twisted cold-hearted airheads would text a friend something like that?
Oh yea, pretty much most girls between 7 and 19 that reside on the planet.
Dealing with these idiots is a rite of passage that no one tells you about or prepares you for. It's what I remember a psychologist friend of mine calling in scientific terms, "The Mind Fuck."
Yes, that is exactly what it is and exactly what it feels like and a 7 year old girl can perfect it.
Ask any woman that has had female friends as a child (most of us) and they will tell you about their experiences of being excluded from games of jump rope, picked on about their weight, height, clothing, crying while watching school mates run away inexplicably, or hurl vicious insults - all executed masterfully by their very best childhood girlfriends.
Frankly, little girls suck - there, I said it! They are mistresses of backstabbing, pettiness and group think. At an early age, we learn the unspoken language of taking power, destroying people emotionally and maintaining popularity with the majority...it's amazing most of us didn't grow up to be politicians.
It is vital to know this second language and the unwritten protocol of girls or you will never have a chance to learn how to maneuver through the female undercurrent successfully. You will be outcast, chastised, politely ignored or hated by most women if you don't learn the rules.
Just sit down and watch the TV show MadMen about NY Ad men and the women around them in the early 60's. Women viewers will pick up on all of the unspoken situations involving the female characters that men watching would miss entire. Worlds of information are passed along without a single word or just a few. If you are a guy that watches MadMen, have a woman sit next to you, so she can tell you what you are missing.
Personally, I got fed up with girls when I was 8 or 9 and decided to switch teams...so to speak. Most of my friends were boys until about Sophomore year.
Once I started hanging out regularly with my guy friends, it felt kind of liberating. I didn't have to call them every night to plan what to wear to school the next day and it seemed there was always room for another outfielder if I wanted to play baseball. When boys are mad at you, they tell you or they hit you, then it's over. When you piss off a girlfriend, the next day at school you find out half of your girlfriends won't speak to you and the other half want to know the inside scoop.
It's just a whole different, stress free kind of relationship with males. You can joke around and make fun of them and they don't take it personally. If they make fun of you or laugh at one of your jokes, that means you've made it into the club. Guys just don't laugh at stuff to be polite, it has to be REALLY funny or they won't give you the laugh. Good friendships with guys are more a matter of respect and holding your own. Friendships with girls are more about appearing not to be better than anyone else, but popular enough to be respected by most people in the group at any given time.
Relationships with women are just automatically more complicated - there is a lot more going on, constantly, and you have to be aware of it. With the kind of friendship monitoring that needs to be done with a girlfriend, you end up knowing someone really well. Of course, men have deep friendships too, but I think the rapport is built through shared experiences, verses knowing what makes your friend tick on a deep level.
If you put it in trite, limited, literary terms - men are like an Ernest Hemingway story, entertaining, striking and to the point, and women are like James Mitchner novels, lots of detail, nuance and require an investment of time. Both have their merits, but sometimes, you just want a good story, without having to wade through 1500 pages. And sometimes, it's the other way around.
Now, it might sound like I'm bashing the girls here, but in truth, once they grow up, they truly grow up. I have made some incredibly loyal and good female friends over the past 10 years and really enjoy their generosity, sensitivity and friendship. My female friends are funny, well-traveled, creative and very smart - I wish I had met them in grade school!
Getting back to my friend Erik's daughter... My suggestion to her would be to choose friends based on how kind, compassionate, secure and trustworthy they are, male or female. Lose the ones that don't meet your criteria. Remember, you set the bar for yourself, don't let anyone else do it for you. When you look at your friends, do they represent the best aspects of you? Are you proud of them and their behavior?
It seems like the evil monster girls that enjoy texting poison pen letters, have crossed themselves off your list - and you are well rid of them!
If you do it right when you are young and pick great people to be friends with, you'll be on the phone 25 years from today with one of them.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Revenge: You gotta love it!
Ah, sweet revenge...truly one of the most satisfying things I can think of...
I saw the new Tarantino movie, "Inglourious Basterds" this weekend and started thinking about the psychological satisfaction of getting revenge. I won't give away the movie, but the basic premise is about an elite squad of Jewish American soldiers in WWII that terrorize the Nazis. Granted, this is a fantasy with historical & gruesome overtones, but it gives you a sense of pleasure seeing the Nazis get their just desserts, even if true events didn't play out exactly as portrayed. It got me to thinking about how satisfying it is to even the playing field, teach someone a lesson or literally take an eye for an eye. Even just the thought of getting even can sometimes be enough to quell the sense of injustice you might be the victim of.
Granted, I was born a surly scorpion on a dark day in November, which is why I love revenge almost as much as I love chocolate and small kittens. I don't think of myself as an evil person, in spite of the 666 prefix on my phone number - I just think people that do naughty things should get payback.
Revenge is an important part of teaching life lessons and helping misguided people evolve to become a better version of themselves. It's kind of Biblical if you think about it - I take that "Do unto others' line to heart. In my view, if you can help some wayward soul see the error of their ways, you are actually doing them and countless other potential victims of their negativity a big service. Revenge is a reaction to vengeance inflicted - it is a secondary, defensive action that would never have been launched without due cause.
Keeping that in mind, revenge should not be ventured into lightly, the action against you should be large enough to really piss you off, not just annoy or peeve you. It is also important that the other party, by most reasonable people's standards, did something ABSOLUTELY wrong and hurtful that required thought or conscious planning to inflict.
Here's a little test - which of these people deserves wrath?
a) Someone steals the parking spot you have been waiting for
b) Your best friend sleeps with your spouse
If you answered b, you are correct, if you answered a, you need to enroll in anger management classes.
That said, it is important to have a well-thought out plan on how to exact revenge, while also teaching a lesson and staying out of trouble yourself. Remember, revenge is not fulfilling if you get into trouble for it.
One of my favorite examples of revenge was inflicted by a friend of mine several years ago. Her husband had invited a friend of his to stay a week at their house about a month after they got married. It was supposed to be temporary and the house guest was just thrust on my friend, with no prior discussion.
Well, after 3 months, the house guest in question was still there and her husband refused to have him leave. In this case, there were two culprits, the husband and the house guest. Fortunately, my friend had two important pieces of info on the house guest: he was wanted in another state for a drunk driving offense and he had not paid taxes to the IRS in years.
She asked the guy one more time to leave and he refused, so she went upstairs, called the police and explained that there was a fugitive from the law in her house that needed to be picked up. Someone without an air tight plan, might have stopped there. However, to ensure that this house guest would never return again, she called the IRS and gave them an anonymous tip with information about where they could find this guy to get their tax money. She figured an audit would keep him busy for a while.
Needless to say, the house guest was gone that day, no one knew who tipped off the police and IRS and she got her house back. Her husband was shocked by the events that day , but she suggested that it should be a lesson to his friend to never drink and drive, because the long arm of the law will find you. (With a little help)
The point is, she didn't vandalize or set fire to anything, she had a solid, rational plan. (yes, she did eventually kick her husband to the curb)
This type of revenge isn't on the same scale as the Inglourious Basterds, but she assured me it was extremely satisfying nonetheless.
Frankly, people need to understand the importance of consequences. They can't just go running around like selfish heathens without payback.
Sometimes an act of revenge can be instantaneous after a situation has been assessed. My sister was at the mall one day and saw this woman angrily beating her small toddler in front of everyone. I think the woman even bit her child at one point. Everyone was shocked, but no one did anything until my sister stepped up and started screaming at the top of her lungs something to the effect of: "This woman is beating her child, call security!!! Get security over here right away, this woman is abusing this child!!!" She followed the woman all throughout the mall yelling for security and security eventually showed up. Apparently, the woman became so disconcerted (and hopefully ashamed) she ran for the parking lot.
How good did my sister feel after this event? Fucking great. At the very least, I doubt that woman would try hitting her kid in public again, at the best, she was called out in front of dozens of strangers for behaving in a disgusting, inhumane manner and maybe she has dealt with her anger problem because of it.
Ideally, we are on this planet to help each other evolve and be better. Sometimes taking revenge is the best thing we can do to help our fellow human beings see the error of their ways. Ultimately, it is up to them to change, but a thump on the head might coax them in the right direction.
Getting back to another Tarantino film... Sam Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction saw himself as the righteous man, the shepherd, just trying to help God keep the weak flock from doing evil. I'm not sure if he is the best character to make my revenge point, however I did like his quote:
"There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
I'm not a religious person, but I do like the concept.
So if you want my advice, get out there and make the world a better place through taking revenge ;) You might want to memorize the passage above, it will probably scare the crap out of your favorite evildoer.
I saw the new Tarantino movie, "Inglourious Basterds" this weekend and started thinking about the psychological satisfaction of getting revenge. I won't give away the movie, but the basic premise is about an elite squad of Jewish American soldiers in WWII that terrorize the Nazis. Granted, this is a fantasy with historical & gruesome overtones, but it gives you a sense of pleasure seeing the Nazis get their just desserts, even if true events didn't play out exactly as portrayed. It got me to thinking about how satisfying it is to even the playing field, teach someone a lesson or literally take an eye for an eye. Even just the thought of getting even can sometimes be enough to quell the sense of injustice you might be the victim of.
Granted, I was born a surly scorpion on a dark day in November, which is why I love revenge almost as much as I love chocolate and small kittens. I don't think of myself as an evil person, in spite of the 666 prefix on my phone number - I just think people that do naughty things should get payback.
Revenge is an important part of teaching life lessons and helping misguided people evolve to become a better version of themselves. It's kind of Biblical if you think about it - I take that "Do unto others' line to heart. In my view, if you can help some wayward soul see the error of their ways, you are actually doing them and countless other potential victims of their negativity a big service. Revenge is a reaction to vengeance inflicted - it is a secondary, defensive action that would never have been launched without due cause.
Keeping that in mind, revenge should not be ventured into lightly, the action against you should be large enough to really piss you off, not just annoy or peeve you. It is also important that the other party, by most reasonable people's standards, did something ABSOLUTELY wrong and hurtful that required thought or conscious planning to inflict.
Here's a little test - which of these people deserves wrath?
a) Someone steals the parking spot you have been waiting for
b) Your best friend sleeps with your spouse
If you answered b, you are correct, if you answered a, you need to enroll in anger management classes.
That said, it is important to have a well-thought out plan on how to exact revenge, while also teaching a lesson and staying out of trouble yourself. Remember, revenge is not fulfilling if you get into trouble for it.
One of my favorite examples of revenge was inflicted by a friend of mine several years ago. Her husband had invited a friend of his to stay a week at their house about a month after they got married. It was supposed to be temporary and the house guest was just thrust on my friend, with no prior discussion.
Well, after 3 months, the house guest in question was still there and her husband refused to have him leave. In this case, there were two culprits, the husband and the house guest. Fortunately, my friend had two important pieces of info on the house guest: he was wanted in another state for a drunk driving offense and he had not paid taxes to the IRS in years.
She asked the guy one more time to leave and he refused, so she went upstairs, called the police and explained that there was a fugitive from the law in her house that needed to be picked up. Someone without an air tight plan, might have stopped there. However, to ensure that this house guest would never return again, she called the IRS and gave them an anonymous tip with information about where they could find this guy to get their tax money. She figured an audit would keep him busy for a while.
Needless to say, the house guest was gone that day, no one knew who tipped off the police and IRS and she got her house back. Her husband was shocked by the events that day , but she suggested that it should be a lesson to his friend to never drink and drive, because the long arm of the law will find you. (With a little help)
The point is, she didn't vandalize or set fire to anything, she had a solid, rational plan. (yes, she did eventually kick her husband to the curb)
This type of revenge isn't on the same scale as the Inglourious Basterds, but she assured me it was extremely satisfying nonetheless.
Frankly, people need to understand the importance of consequences. They can't just go running around like selfish heathens without payback.
Sometimes an act of revenge can be instantaneous after a situation has been assessed. My sister was at the mall one day and saw this woman angrily beating her small toddler in front of everyone. I think the woman even bit her child at one point. Everyone was shocked, but no one did anything until my sister stepped up and started screaming at the top of her lungs something to the effect of: "This woman is beating her child, call security!!! Get security over here right away, this woman is abusing this child!!!" She followed the woman all throughout the mall yelling for security and security eventually showed up. Apparently, the woman became so disconcerted (and hopefully ashamed) she ran for the parking lot.
How good did my sister feel after this event? Fucking great. At the very least, I doubt that woman would try hitting her kid in public again, at the best, she was called out in front of dozens of strangers for behaving in a disgusting, inhumane manner and maybe she has dealt with her anger problem because of it.
Ideally, we are on this planet to help each other evolve and be better. Sometimes taking revenge is the best thing we can do to help our fellow human beings see the error of their ways. Ultimately, it is up to them to change, but a thump on the head might coax them in the right direction.
Getting back to another Tarantino film... Sam Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction saw himself as the righteous man, the shepherd, just trying to help God keep the weak flock from doing evil. I'm not sure if he is the best character to make my revenge point, however I did like his quote:
"There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."
I'm not a religious person, but I do like the concept.
So if you want my advice, get out there and make the world a better place through taking revenge ;) You might want to memorize the passage above, it will probably scare the crap out of your favorite evildoer.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Welcome back to my second blog posting - a little over two years from my last blog posting.
Yes, I'm on fire.
Just to clear up some old business - the girl baby from my last post, was finally named. I think I've left you hanging long enough. The child in question is now called....."Sophie" and regrettably, not Brunhilda. Why? I don't know. I secretly refer to her as Brunhilda anyway.
I saw that movie, Julie and Julia last night and thought about my sad little abandoned blog. To be honest, I had no idea where my blog was, I just Googled, "Blog websites" and went to the first one and realized that I was still logged in. So, here I am again, at my newly found Blog, Disrecognized Space. (That's for all of you Aeon Flux fans)
I don't have a point. I thought I'd write about a lot of topics that I find personally interesting - which could easily leave me the only one reading my blog. I'm guessing I'll be writing about travel, work life, films, politics, friends that are treating me badly (Beware Friends!), archaeology, observations, strange interactions with people, anything supernatural, technology, animals, food, music, cartoons or things that really irritate me. The last topic is one of my favorites. I collide regularly with sources of extreme irritation. Ask anyone.
As a personal promise from me to you, I will bookmark this site, so I can find it again. I will also update it more often than every two years. This should make the legions of readers out there breathe a deep sigh of relief. I'm sure it was like waiting for a new Harry Potter book to come out. Sorry fans - I'm back now.
BTW, feel free to comment on anything I write, I like the interaction, even if I decide that you are completely wrong.
Stay tuned...
Yes, I'm on fire.
Just to clear up some old business - the girl baby from my last post, was finally named. I think I've left you hanging long enough. The child in question is now called....."Sophie" and regrettably, not Brunhilda. Why? I don't know. I secretly refer to her as Brunhilda anyway.
I saw that movie, Julie and Julia last night and thought about my sad little abandoned blog. To be honest, I had no idea where my blog was, I just Googled, "Blog websites" and went to the first one and realized that I was still logged in. So, here I am again, at my newly found Blog, Disrecognized Space. (That's for all of you Aeon Flux fans)
I don't have a point. I thought I'd write about a lot of topics that I find personally interesting - which could easily leave me the only one reading my blog. I'm guessing I'll be writing about travel, work life, films, politics, friends that are treating me badly (Beware Friends!), archaeology, observations, strange interactions with people, anything supernatural, technology, animals, food, music, cartoons or things that really irritate me. The last topic is one of my favorites. I collide regularly with sources of extreme irritation. Ask anyone.
As a personal promise from me to you, I will bookmark this site, so I can find it again. I will also update it more often than every two years. This should make the legions of readers out there breathe a deep sigh of relief. I'm sure it was like waiting for a new Harry Potter book to come out. Sorry fans - I'm back now.
BTW, feel free to comment on anything I write, I like the interaction, even if I decide that you are completely wrong.
Stay tuned...
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