Let's Party!!!

My grandparents knew how to party.

I'm not talking jello shots and a bag of chips on the makeshift coffee table kind of partying, I'm talking about place cards, sit down meals, charades, costumes, party favors - the real deal. My grandparents had at least 4 or 5 handwritten party invitations sitting on their kitchen counter at any given time. I was in awe of how popular they were and how many friends they had. They enjoyed a seemingly endless cavalcade of parties, club events and bridge nights that kept them busy most days. They were ENGAGED with their friends and people in general. My husband's parents are very much like that too - attending parties, book clubs, lectures, doing charity work and actively embracing not only their friends, but people they don't even know. Shocking isn't it?!

I mention this because I've noticed in recent years, people by and large, have all but stopped having parties and consciously interacting with others. Obviously, there are still parties for birthdays and occasionally, the housewarming, but the dinner, cocktail and the "just because" parties have seem to have fallen by the wayside. I noticed it started just after 9/11 - because before that I was constantly going to parties and events and had a VERY good time, as I recall.

It's a shame so many social engagements have been suspended, because in some small way, it signals a time in our history where people have become more withdrawn, anti-social and isolated from each other. I think we may still be feeling the effects of 9/11 and all of the negativity that came after it.

Are we Facebooking, Twittering, XBoxing and TV watching our way into social oblivion? Do we feel safer just observing or interacting behind an avatar in cyberspace or is it just easier & lower maintenance to make invisible friends online?

How many kids/people do you know that are so focused on their Gameboy, the Internet or watching their favorite movie for the 10th time, that they don't even notice other humans in the room?

Have you observed the slow down of interesting, thought provoking conversations or the inability of people to make casual conversation? When was the last time someone looked you in the eye and asked you thoughtful questions backed up by genuine interest? How about politeness and paying attention - what happened to those little gems?

Riddle me this: Is there a restaurant or bar in this country where the sound system is NOT turned up to "11" and where multiple sporting events are NOT being televised at the same time, rendering speech useless? I don't think so, Batman.

In my humble opinion, we are experiencing a social & cultural sea change brought on by a perfect storm of technology, the economic tsunami, burn out and a vast, national malaise.

We are making it more and more difficult to interact with others face to face - even if we actually are face to face. A conscious effort to re-engineer how we deal with people may be required.

It might mean inviting friends over for dinner or a potluck and a game of Pictionary regularly, choosing a walk at the beach over an evening of online gaming, starting a book club or discussion group with people you may not know well. There are a lot of ways to enjoy people's company and it doesn't require loads of money or major planning.

Admittedly, times are tough right now, but I think that is all the more reason for people to band together and shore up what's left of our waning happiness, social interaction and civility. In spite of everything, we still depend on friendship and personal relationships, even if we occasionally succumb to the siren call of the Tivo.

I look forward to the day when I am regularly booked for parties and functions - garden parties, pinochle & canasta games (I've never played), formal cocktail soirees, I don't really care what, I just want to be on the guest list.

My husband and I throw quite a few parties and we enjoy doing it - I think we had around 8 different parties this summer. That said, as much as I love the "usual suspects," I would like to meet new people and schmooze at someone else's wonderful party. Most importantly, I want to concentrate on the lost art of connecting with people, making new friends and maybe for a fleeting moment, ponder my burgeoning popularity ;)

It's nice to be nice

If you don't know me, I should tell you straight out, that I'm the kind of person that believes that vast majority of people are failing miserably on the "Niceness Scale." They aren't outright bad people, but they aren't going to go out of their way for you either.

Why am I so pessimistic/realistic about people you ask? Because I don't believe that most people can regularly look beyond their more self-centered interests. To be perfectly honest, I often wonder if I can regularly look beyond my self-centered interests. Believe me, I am not sitting in judgment here, I'm just making an observation.

Everyday, we are given options to do good or to help others out in some way and we usually don't take advantage of those opportunities because A) If we don't do the nice thing, no one will know B) If the gesture is small, it won't matter anyway C) Someone else will probably do it instead (husbands regularly abuse this one - so I've heard).

These are all crappy excuses, but I know for a fact, I rifle through every one of them when I'm debating whether I want to be helpful or not. Sometimes, my "better angels" are on a smoking break and I'm left to my own devices to make a choice.

They really should quit smoking.

That said, I realize that sometimes you've got to fly solo and do good for the sake of doing good - no matter if it is only a small thing or if no reward is forthcoming. I've decided to (generally) ignore the darker, self-interested side of my humanity and make the effort to make the effort. If life is truly its own reward, as I believe, then I need to start rewarding people more.

Good friends can teach you what you lack. I've always observed my friends for tips on how to do things - there is always something to learn, if you picked the right people. I have a lot of generous and giving friends that I am already starting to spy on. (Watch out generous friends - I'm spying on YOU!)

I've also found that doing something nice or helping someone out, is a lot harder to do when you are working. I find I'm a lot more helpful, patient and generous, when I have more time on my hands. The true test is how nice, patient and generous you are when you are busy...

Even if you are working, you can still give a little of your time to help someone or let the mom with the screaming baby move ahead of you in line at the store. Not only are you being helpful to the poor Mom, you are also getting that screaming child out of the store faster, which benefits everyone! :)

I've already started my kindness assault, but instead of listing all of the wonderful things I've done this week, I thought I'd list the nice things that people have done for me (note: many involve food):

- Aytac & Michelle brought us fresh fish from their Alaskan fishing trip
- Laurie brought over two bottles of wine and shrimp for lunch the other day
- A lady at the grocery store let me move ahead in line (I wasn't even screaming!)
- Elsa forwarded my resume to her friend with a job opening
- Laurie is giving her family hotel credits for a December trip (extra kudos to her!)
- Deb is making cupcakes to bring to my house on Sunday
- Ross cleaned, sanitized & de-anted the kitchen & was a great host this weekend

That's a pretty good list - plus, I know I've left some things out as well. And before you say, "Ah ha! Apparently, you were wrong since you said average people aren't nice and then you listed a bunch of people you know that just did a bunch of nice things."

Number 1: I'm never, ever wrong - just ask my husband, Ross.
Number 2: I don't have "average people" as friends. So there. I win.

My challenge to you, as well as, for myself, is to pay it forward and consciously do a nice thing for someone every day. If you can work up to two or three things a day, even better. Whether you know the person or not, just do it!

Let me know if someone has done something particularly nice for you or if you have done something that made someone very grateful.

If you are looking to direct your niceness at a charity, but don't have one, you can help out with one of my favorite charities:
www.CrownJewelClub.org or find your own at www.CharityNavigator.org

Good luck and remember: It's nice to be nice to the nice....