Beware...Here thar be dragons!!!

I'm sure when my Dad purchased his shiny new iPhone almost a year and a half ago, he had no idea that it would require more time than a high-maintenance girlfriend. (And he is no stranger to high maintenance girlfriends)

The only difference between his iPhone and the girlfriend I mentioned above, is that instead of demanding a two week cruise sipping drinks by the pool, the i Phone would rather spend two weeks touring the Apple store while becoming a regular at the "Genius" bar.

Unfortunately, that last Apple software update messed up his email and deleted his gmail password and apparently, it has yet to be fixed by any of the "geniuses" at the Apple store.

Hmm...maybe they should re-think the name of their bar...

I am starting to realize that my Dad has enough  "iPhone-know-how" to be dangerous - he actually knows a lot more about how to use the thing than I do. Dad has the soul of an early adopter, but the mechanics of the phone, still elude him.  Let me put it this way: My Dad is an excellent driver, but I doubt he could overhaul a transmission.  I have the same problem myself, both with cars and iPhones.

Can I just say:  I HATE i Tunes, it's difficult and stupid!

I'm assuming the same "Apple geniuses" that created the hot mess that is i Tunes, are currently assisting my Dad at his local Apple store.  Fortunately for me, any i Phone updates, issues, problems, etc. get handed off to my tech savvy husband, which allows me to avoid taxing the incredibly puny, atrophied, left side of my brain.

Dad unfortunately, doesn't have that extra help at home, so off he goes, alternately to Apple and then to the AT&T store,  multiple times in a week, in the snow, uphill both ways, hoping one of their "geniuses" can figure out why he can't get email.  I admire his persistence but...

I'm afraid his iPhone has taken him to distant shores without a compass...and I'm a bit concerned he might not find his way back.

I should have given him the same advice maritime explorers received from concerned family members hundreds of years ago..."Beware the edge of the world - Thar be Dragons!"  I think the same goes for the iPhone and any other computing (i.e. Kindle, i Pad) or gaming device, when a user gets sucked into its' thrall.

I think this really goes for all new, exciting things we get interested in - people are compelled to jump in with reckless abandon, lunging forth to purchase that glittering, life-improving object, with only pure enthusiasm to guide their way.  We all get deliriously caught up with the latest and greatest at some point or another falling prey to technology or embracing the latest fad.  (Grilled cheese trucks rule!)

Sadly, we are pretty much out of  new, earthbound things to explore on this planet...  Can you think of some place that Carnival Cruises doesn't go...when their engines work?   I didn't think so.

So, maybe programmers and computer geeks have actually created the new, final frontier entirely from their imaginations.  If so, doesn't that make them "god-like creators" of our new virtual world?  It's kind of wild if you really think about humans creating "Sim" worlds that evoke emotions and connections in humans through software and hardware...

If you have a sense of adventure and no vacation days, you've been pretty much screwed up to this time. However, you now have the option to escape or adventure through the Internet, the latest gadget or perhaps a mystical gaming world.  You can watch movies on your wristwatch, hunt live animals on the Internet or  happen upon a scantily clad, ninja hooker lurking just beyond your screen - waiting to kill or be killed.  It's basically all the adventure you can imagine, without the mess of having to behead something with tentacles yourself.

Don't you think if Lewis and Clark were here today, they would run out and purchase a GPS, an LCD big screen and the latest Gods of War game?  Of course they would - it's the final frontier!

With all due respect to Lewis and Clark, my Dad would kick their collective butts in any role playing game, so it's probably best they remain in their own time to avoid a showdown. Dad has mastered pretty much every game he has gotten his hands on...and quickly.  But the i Phone represents the beast he has yet to tame and his sense of adventure has kicked into high gear.

To be ridiculously over-dramatic: he's on a Vision Quest of sorts - where the new software update is the Gorgon demon and the Apple store employees are the evil trolls. And as with any challenging video game, repetition is essential in learning how to get to the next level. Hence, the repeated trips to the mall.

After my Dad sorts out his email issues, he is determined to find SOME WAY to make his i Phone play Flash videos - Steve Jobs be damned!  He believes it can be found by searching the far corners of the web for an elusive "i Phone flash app."   Yea, I know, but, he'll figure it out.

My Dad has taught me several things about my i Phone that I had no clue about - and he'll no doubt teach me more in the future.  He is completely fascinated with his i Phone and that passion will drive him to keep learning.  Interestingly, my 84 year old father-in-law has also caught the same i Phone bug and when he gets together with my Dad, it's literally an i Phone-a-palooza.  The world and everyone in it, completely fades into the background, as they share new apps and tips.

Where I am just a homebody Hobbit in the land of technology, Dad is Frodo planning an arduous journey to take the evil ring back to the hell mouth /Apple store - back to where it was forged...

He is off to slay his dragon, the surly beast at the edge of the new world - the one that keeps him from getting email and playing flash video on his phone.  My father-in-law will probably go with him.

Keep pushing forward Dad...and don't forget to bring your magic troll dust.

The New Face of Technology

For as long as I can remember, my friend, I'll call him.... "Brian", has been telling me that I need to be dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming.

He thinks I'm a Luddite*, that I'm confused when it comes to the ways of the new world of technology, he thinks it is strangely ironic that I successfully sell high tech software to people that actually have functioning left brains.

Interestingly enough, a few years back, while working at a 3D sound technology company, the Orange County register wrote an article called, "The new face of technology," that featured a section about me.

Ironically, another good friend, I'll call him..."David," also thought this was quite amusing since he believes I can barely reset my cable box. For several months after, every time he would call me, he would greet me with, "Hey! How's the new face of technology?" And then he would laugh for a very long time.

That said, the article was not focused on my technical abilities (believe it or not) it was basically saying that there is room in the technology industry for people with other business qualifications - and they can actually make a pretty good go of it. Over the years, I've found this to be very true, lucky for me and many others that aren't techy, dweeby, geeky or nerdy. Don't get me wrong, I have a great respect for people that understand the ins and outs of a video compression codec, but in this brave new world, not everyone gets it. As a matter of fact, most people don't - just ask your Dad.

I've been in Sales and Marketing for many cutting edge tech companies over the years and I've found that my primary role is best summed up as, "interpreter." I get technical information from engineers, I transmorgify it in my brain, and then I spit out intelligible sales pitches, marketing messages and lay peoples' terms to everyone else. And by "everyone else," I mean the people with money to purchase, license or see the value in whatever technology I'm selling. I'm the person that makes people "get it and pay money for it," so to speak.

I love technology, but he is a cruel master.

What can I say? I have the soul of an early adopter, but the technical ability of a pencil.

But that's OK, you can still appreciate something you don't completely understand...sort of like how my Dad appreciates his iPhone.

Dad, I'll call him...Dad, has had his new iPhone for about a month now and once we got him over the hurdle of how to answer voicemail, it's been downhill ever since. He has adopted the "lingo" of an iPhone user, that said, he really only has 2 words and they apply to everything, "reset & App". Anything on his phone is now an "app," the settings, the keypad, the on/off button... I do my best to help him navigate his iPhone while on the phone with him, but when you only have 2 terms, it makes it difficult.

Dad: "Well, I'm touching the app button now, but it's not doing anything. Maybe I should reset it.

Me: "Which app are you talking about? Give it some time, don't just reset."

Dad: "I reset all the time because sometimes the app doesn't come up."

Me: "How often do you "reset" Dad?

Dad: "At least once a day. That might be why my settings are erased."

Me: "What?"

Dad: "By the way, is there an app that can play my DirecTV on the iPhone and automatically answer email if I don't want to?

Me: "They don't have that Dad. It doesn't exist."

Dad: "Well, someone should make that app, I would use it all the time."

Me: "Let's just focus on how to check email,OK?"

Dad: "I just reset it again, so we'll have to wait a minute for everything to come back up."

This is one of the few cases in which I feel technically superior to someone. It probably won't last long, my Dad is an accomplished PS3 player, so I'm guessing my smug superiority will only last another month or so.

Fortunately, I've married a person that takes care of all my firewall and computer needs, otherwise, I would pretty much be in the dark writing letters, darning socks and reading newspapers by candlelight.

Ultimately, I'm amazed and humbled by technology and though I doubt it is amazed and humbled by me...I think we have a mutual respect thing going on.

I may be crappy at algorithms and making small talk on FaceBook, but I know a good thing when I see it. Technology is becoming more accessible to people...including my Dad, and someone has to be able to tap into this market, to help it prosper, to gain market share... to make lots and lots of commission!

Which is why I am (dramatic pause) the new face of technology!!!!

Now I just need a job.


*Luddite - One who opposes technical or technological change. Neo-luddism does not equate necessarily to outright technophobia and includes the critical examination of the effects technology has on individuals and communities.