Apocalypse Now!!!!

Welcome to the Mayan apocalypse!

I'm back.  Here's why: 

1.  If the world ends on December 21st, 2012,  6 months remains to inflict my blog on you before global cataclysm ensues
2. After that date, reading my blog while wading through lava & brimstone will be less desirable

Personally, I've always been fascinated by this whole Mayan Apocalypse Prophecy thing... I've grown to become a big fan of all the interesting & strange end of the world theories.  I think I've heard most of them on  Coast to Coast AM in the wee hours of the morning, when all the maniacs are up & calling in.

No, I don't call in.

My 3 favorite Mayan Apocalypse Catastrophe theories are:

1. Hostile alien invaders blow up the earth after stealing our cows 2. Planet X swings in from behind the sun, careening into earth  3. The poles flip-flop and throw us into a new ice age, and being a Californian,  mega earthquakes get an Honorable Mention.  


I have always considered myself  a concerned citizen of earth - whether aliens invade or not.  Like me, most people don't want to see our planet implode.  As a kid, the Mayan Apocalypse captivated me in a big way.  I found it equal parts chilling and fascinating.

One of my favorite 70's TV shows was "In Search Of...."  A "news" magazine style show that examined the mysteries of the world, no matter how bizarre or outlandish.  The show seamlessly fused fact, fiction & conjecture into a compelling 30 minutes a week.  For my money, Leonard Nimoy was ten times better than anyone on 60 Minutes. He was a man of logic and nerves of steel - a true professional.  If Leonard Nimoy said Killer Bees were coming to the U.S. from Brazil - I planned on moving.

So when the "Mayan Mysteries" episode came on and Leonard Nimoy broke the news that the Maya believed the world would end on December 24th, 2011, a chill ran down my spine.

HE TOTALLY BLEW THE LID OFF OF THIS UNDER-REPORTED STORY!

Suck it 60 Minutes.

Resigned to the total annihilation of the earth on Christmas eve 2011, my mind stumbled over a variety of questions:  How did the Mayans know?  Can we stop it?  Should we open presents early on the 24th or will Christmas be cancelled entirely?


Couple that with a terrifying movie about the rapture I had watched at church and the December 24th date started to become truly ominous.  Rapture + the Mayan Apocalypse seemed to dovetail  nicely into one giant, catastrophic event, landing squarely on Christmas eve 2011!

The timing was ingenious & undeniable.  My sources were earnest, credible, serious adults on TV and film, with no reason to lie. 

I felt bad for the unsuspecting people that would be blindsided by Mayan wrath just before Christmas. BLAMM-O!! They wouldn't even know what hit them.


 "But wait!" I hear you say, "Isn't the Mayan Apocalypse scheduled for December 21, 2012? What's up with that?"

 Did Mr. Spock get it wrong?  

Yes & No.

Apparently, the apocalypse is a bit of a moving target, which is convenient for believers & skeptics alike.  Even the most respected Mayan anthropologists have a hard time pinpointing the exact end date for B'ak'tun 13 on the Mayan Long Count calendar.  But doesn't everyone really?

The funny thing is, when you look at the end of the world date(s) and the original Mayan apocalypse myth itself, it appears that an elaborate game of "telephone" played by the top Mayan experts of our time, may have accidentally started the apocalypse craze.

In 1900, a German scholar named Ernst Forstemann  happened to interpret the end of the Dresden Codex (A Mayan book) as the destruction of civilization - but NO date was associated with this "end of the world" myth.  Later, another prominent Mayanist, Sylvanus Morley, repeated the interpretation of the tale in his classic text, "The Ancient Maya" published in 1946. (Trust me, this was a big seller in archaeological circles)

Fast forward to 1983, when the 4th edition of "The Ancient Maya," was edited by Anthropologist, Robert Sharer, (I used this text in college) and suddenly, the date of December 21st, 2012 first pops up.  The original Dresden Codex apocalypse story is in that book, but some how the date & the story became connected. And Voila! The Mayan Apocalypse was born!  Sort of...

Meanwhile, Mayan Archaeologist, Michael D.Coe, (I read his text too -I'm such a geek!) came up with the date of Dec. 24th, 2011 for B'ak'tun 13 a few decades ago, right about the time Leonard Nimoy got a hold of it.  Some years later, long after "In Search Of..." went off the air, Michael Coe revised the date to December 23, 2012.

So basically, my boy, Nimoy, got the date right, before he got it wrong.

Heavyweights in the area of Mayan archaeology have come down on both sides of the debate. Mayan Language expert, Linda Schele, is on Team December 23rd while Mayanist Mark Van Stone & others are on Team December 21st. 


Now for the kicker - there are two Mayan monuments that have been found with B'ak'tun 13 dates on them. The most compelling carving is at Tortuguero in Mexico, where PART of the following text was found:

It will be completed the 13th b'ak'tun.

It is 4 Ajaw 3 K'ank'in

and it will happen a 'seeing'[?].

It is the display of B'olon-Yokte'

in a great "investiture"

 In essence, on December 21, 2012 (or the 23rd) a big, fat ceremony for the ruler 4 Ajaw 3 K'ank'in will be held and the ancient god of the underworld/war will either show up, or someone dressed like him will, and there will be a large ceremony.

That's it.

Apparently, our fate is dependent on how hard the god of the underworld parties.  Will he be up for total mayhem & destruction or will he just want a margarita & a taco?

Even though the Mayans thought B'ak'tun 13 was an important future date, does it rise to the level of apocalypse?  Will December 21, 2012 be the end of the world as we know it ?

Will the Mayan god of the underworld do the flamenco dance of death on our planet?



Spoiler Alert:
 
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Probably not.

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