Disrecognized Space

Egyptians: A Gift to Egypt

2011-02-23T12:27:00.000-08:00

This is a longer post than usual and also the most difficult one I've written. The conflicts in Egypt, Libya, Yemen, Bahrain and the list goes on....have been very hard to keep up with - situations have been constantly changing at a break neck speed since I sat down to write. However, I've been doing my best to keep up and revise as necessary - so I apologize in advance, for any inconsistencies.

That said, Egypt is near and dear to my heart, so I wanted to focus on my experiences meeting people there, as well as, what is going on politically right now. I believe it's important to view politics through the lens of humanity whenever possible - it is so easy to read the headlines and forget to see the people behind the stories.

Thanks, KW
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I remember learning in an 8th grade history class that, "Egypt was the gift of the Nile." My teacher explained that without the waters of the Nile, Egypt would be nothing but a vast waste land of sand and dust, so anything that grew out of Egypt, was in fact, a gift of the Nile.

It was an interesting thought - but a river is just a river.

What intrigued me more was the fact that for centuries, a hard working and industrious group of desert dwellers could use its waters not just to carve out a meager existence, but to thrive in a very hostile environment, while at the same time creating one of the most incredible civilizations in history.

I had seen pictures of the Great Pyramids, the Sphinx, the temples at Abu Simbel, Luxor and Karnak, but even NAT GEO in HD doesn't hold a candle to the real thing - it's only a colorful shadow of things that need to be seen with your own eyes to appreciate.

Just as with the rest of Africa, Egypt is a place that demands one's full attention, if only to capture just a hint of what it truly is. It is such a mix of disparate things, traditional and modern, Western and Mid-Eastern, religious and secular - it keeps one foot solidly in the past and one foot firmly in the future.

Egypt is not a place that "once was," built by ghosts from another age - it is a place full of life, where the future of Middle East and Africa is currently being shaped.

The Egyptians

In the early to mid-90's, shortly after the Gulf war, I went to Egypt twice. Of course, the big draw for me were the ancient ruins & museums, but I found that I was just as impressed with the kindness and generosity of the Egyptians I encountered. At that time, the U.S. military was very prominently engaged in the region , so I was concerned about how an American would be perceived. Soon after my arrival, I realized that Egyptians are very adept at understanding the difference between a government and its citizens.

This may come from the experience of being stereotyped themselves.

Some jaded readers out there might believe my tourist dollars were the reason for the warm reception - which is understandable, if that is all one has to offer. If you never go beyond the superficial, it's unlikely you will ever experience the authentic.

At one point, due to an incorrect flight booking, I realized I was waiting for a non-existent plane. I spent 9 hours in the Cairo airport hoping to get put on a stand-by flight, IF there was an available seat.

Several of the gate agents and airport shop keepers heard about my dilemma - news travels fast in the Cairo airport - and over the course of several hours I had met manyl very hospitable people. Folks were offering me hibiscus tea, keeping me company or seeing if they had some airline connection that could help me get on a flight to Luxor.

I found it to be a sincere, unprovoked outpouring of kindness. No money was exchanged.

By mid- afternoon, an Egyptian military pilot at the airport attempted to get clearance to fly me to Luxor in his MILITARY JET PLANE (which would have been BEYOND cool). Unfortunately, clearance wasn't forth coming, but he gave me his business card and told me to call him if I needed any other help while in Egypt.

An older gentleman that owned a shop in the airport was regularly checking on me throughout the day as I sat in airport limbo. At one point, I asked him in the middle of our conversation, why he was so concerned about me?" He smiled and said, " If my daughter or sister were in the same situation, I would expect another man to do the same - out of respect." He felt strongly that as an Egyptian, and a Muslim, it was his obligation to help me.

My impression, up to this point, had always been of Muslim men persecuting or suppressing women through religion - and no doubt, most religions taken to their extreme tend to do this. After talking to Egyptian men and women about religion while I was there, I realized that in this moderate country, religion was more about respect, not suppression or religious fanaticism. Egyptian women could choose the style of their dress based on their personal religions beliefs, they could drive, get a college education, go out alone, hold professional jobs, etc. without religious repercussions.

It's not to say Egypt has a perfect society, they have their share of crime and problems, but then again, so do we.

The Conflict

Egypt is undoubtedly loaded with people that are kind, educated and reasonable. It's not surprising to me that these same people are responsible for PEACEFULLY overthrowing the government that treated them so oppressively in the past, and so openly in recent days at Tahrir Square. It is a tremendous achievement that Egyptians did not meet violence with violence.

That said, their efforts were supported by an Egyptian military, a group that could have easily smashed them into oblivion, but didn't. I doubt citizens of Iran would be so lucky. I believe that the most successful of these African/ Middle eastern revolutions still unfolding, will have the military aligned with the people- that's the only way they can win.

Egypt has completed the first phase in a long process, but the economy is going to be their next big battle.

I'll Take Egypt for $1000 Alex...

52% of Americans polled by the Pew Research Center a couple of weeks ago, said they knew very little about the current situation in Egypt. I hope awareness has gone up since that time, but engaging the American public is something that starts with the curiosity of our citizens, not the media. News coverage can be wall to wall, but if Americans don't care, it doesn't matter, does it?

Egyptians that I came across while there, seemed to love talking about how much they liked our former U.S. Ambassador to Egypt. He regularly engaged with Egyptian citizens and appreciated the fact that he showed up to local events. I have to say that I was slightly embarrassed, since I had no idea who the Egyptian Ambassador to the U.S. was or what he was doing...

As recently as last week, I saw a picture an Egyptian man celebrating his freedom in Tahrir square, while holding a sign in support of Wisconsin union workers. I was surprised and couldn't even imagine how this young man even knew about what was going on in Wisconsin! It speaks to the education and awareness of the Egyptian citizens...

The United States is a very influential country and what we do, say, and finance impacts most countries of the world directly, so many around the globe pay close attention to what we do. However, our citizens should remember that even though we live in a country that is powerful & has many concerns, there is no excuse for Americans to be completely ignorant of other countries and their conditions.

Now that a revolution has taken place and Mubarak is gone, I hope that Americans start taking a stronger interest in Egypt, Africa & the Middle East. If we are concerned at all about the development of democracy in Egypt, peace between Israel in the Middle East, the flow of oil through the Suez canal, the stability of the Arab world, or where our aid money is going, then we need to know the basics.

Through this kind of understanding, Americans may also find a renewed appreciation of freedom, dignity and democracy by watching the Egyptians and others over the coming months.

It's been a long time since our own revolution, but they may help us to remember the importance of what we did in our own country and the battle that others are currently undertaking.

The Revolution Will Be Tweeted

It's amazing to think that the lifeline of the Egyptian revolution flowed through Twitter, Facebook and even Google indirectly. I imagine the founders of Twitter and Facebook had no concept that their technologies would be used in such an important way and play such a vital role in the overthrow of dictators and governments. Though these are private U.S. companies, it's comforting to know that they created something helpful and good in a part of the world where all things American are looked at with apprehension.

I read today that an Egyptian couple had just named their newborn, "Facebook." I know, he'll probably change it when he gets old enough, but it's hard to deny the feeling behind it.

The world has become a much smaller place - technology is linking people in so many ways and power is shifting rapidly.

The Elephant in the Region

Egyptians, not unlike the Libyans, Tunisians, Yemenis, Zimbabweans, Kenyans and so many others that are frustrated by oppressive, long-term dictators and have had enough. The old structure is being shaken to its core and the results remain to be seen. What has been "stable" in the past, is unstable.

Depending on the country, the official U.S. government views about the uprisings have been nuanced at best - and why is that?

The Obama Administration has been tip toeing through this political mind field rather gingerly. Our government's position is crafted by the political and economic ramifications of not just Egypt, but Iran, Bahrain, Libya, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Yemen and Israel and policies that overlap those countries and others. It also is subject to a "Frankenstein" of past treaties and agreements created by previous administrations and powerful business interests, that still carry great significance. To make matters worse, we are waging a war in Afghanistan, Israel is a strong ally of ours, and the outcome of the invasion, occupation and the exit of troops from Iraq has also bred contempt for the U.S.

We are between Iraq and a hard place... (sorry, had to do it)

Through the administration's diplomacy-speak, it seemed, at least to me, that we supported the Egyptian population's desire for freedom without Mubarak. However, full-throated U.S.support for overthrow in Egypt would have resulted in more problems and political upheaval, in countries with similar governments that we support, no matter our sentiment for Egyptians. Any signs that our administration is over reaching or interfering with Egypt's revolution or any other revolt in the area, will not help our cause or their's and might even impeded the success of certain revolutions. The administration realizes there are no good options, which keeps them on the ropes until definite changes start to emerge.

I have been pondering the $1.3 billion in aid to Egypt's military that some Americans have been recently become aware of, and consequently upset by. That money was granted to benefit (in no particular order) U.S. military equipment manufacturers, sustained enforcement of the peace treaty between Egypt & Israel and to assist an Arab nation that was considered stable and friendly toward the U.S.

What would have happened had that aid not been provided?

An unsuccessful Egyptian revolution most likely.

I think one of the unintended but excellent consequences of that aid, was a strong, professional Egyptian military that now temporarily presides over an Egypt in transition, with the blessing of its citizens. The Egyptian military also prevented a complete bloodbath of citizens, thanks to it's allegiance to the people. At this point, our $1.3 billion annual investment, may have been worth it...

Of course, there's always a caveat. This political process in Egypt is far from over and it remains to be seen whether this scenario continues to play out in a positive manner. It also remains to be seen whether the military will relinquish control to an elected leader - at this point it looks very positive, but no one can tell the future.

The Future

Egyptians have a history of thriving under harsh conditions and making something from nothing, so they probably understand the long-term hardships of what they are undertaking. The excitement and jubilation that we see now, will soon be replaced by the the realization that a new government, constitution and way of living needs to be created. The Egyptians don't lack conviction or heart, but it's still going to be a difficult path, with a number of hazards along the way with a potential for the fledgling democracy to be derailed. Out of respect for what they are trying to do, we need to give them our support.

You don't have to travel to Egypt to feel for the people, but it certainly makes you feel connected in a stronger way. I can't hear news of Egypt and be dispassionate or turn the channel.

Obviously, Egypt is going to need to shore up its economy immediately, if it is to realize a better future. I know this is a lot to take in, but I would definitely urge you to visit Egypt once you feel safe enough to do so. About 11% of their economy is made up of tourism, so it would definitely be a huge support to them.
Not only would it help their economy, but it would allow you to meet these great people and to see first hand what they are trying to bring about.

Egyptians deserve a new start and I hope it ends up being all they they believe it will be. They've built something from nothing before, and once again, they will start back to work.

The Nile is a great river, but Egyptians are the true gift to Egypt.

UFOs, Archaeology and the Scientific Method

2011-01-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

This is for all of you skeptics out there - you know who you are...Meet me down at the next paragraph...

I'm a rational, tax-paying, realist and I tend to live a fact-based life. That said, I'm secure enough in my own sanity, that I am willing to entertain, and keep an open mind to, things that have yet to be explained or discovered.

Let me put it this way: I would have been a fan of Galileo, when Galileo wasn't cool.

As a young child, I was always interested in the paranormal, UFO's, big foot, Nessie, etc. I religiously watched, "In Search Of..."a show that explored the mysteries of the world every Saturday at 7:30pm. In retrospect, it was a piece of crap. That said, Leonard Nimoy narrated the series, which in my mind, brought a bit of Vulcan gravitas into the mix.

I was and still am, a sci-fi fan. I loved archaeology and read dozens of books about Ancient Egypt and Mesoamerica. I even tracked down an archaeologist and she allowed me to participate in my first archaeological dig at 11. Ironically, 10 years later, I ended up working for the Field Director on her team, when I was officially getting paid to dig up stuff.

I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing I was one of the few 5th graders that stayed awake all night, strung out with excitement, because my parents were taking me to the King Tut exhibit the next day.

Disneyland be damned!

As I got older, I ended up becoming friends with two people that have, in my estimation, true psychic abilities. I have also known others with a strong, unexplainable sixth sense that defies simple explanation and even had my own "strange" experiences on occasion.

I knew one woman that didn't have natural psychic ability, but developed her remote viewing/psychic capabilities at U.C. Berkley. At the time I knew her, she had also been working on a paper with a quantum physicist studying energy from a metaphysical perspective. I don't know about you, but I find the idea of looking into something like that quite intriguing.

It's also interesting to note that some people lump both quantum physics and metaphysical studies into the "psuedo-science" category. But it doesn't stop there, in some dark corners of universities and academic underworlds, archaeology is also considered a "pseudo-science."

Why all the hate you ask?

Because hypotheses that are not absolutely "testable" and "observable" based on the scientific method, are not valid sciences in their view and neither are the people that study them.

Because once an archaeologist painstakingly, extracts, measures, tests, records, charts and reviews the items and data that is found after a dig, a logical assumption needs to be made of what the items were used for, how the people lived, why they died out, etc. One must extrapolate, conjecture and hypothesize based on actual evidence and...a best guess - which doesn't hold water with the haters.

Unfortunately, getting first hand information from dead people is always a bit challenging - but no matter, if chemists are held to testable, observable standards, then everyone else should be too.

No exceptions!!

I love good, solid science, but some things we would like to study aren't cut and dried, testable or even observable with current methods of science. It doesn't mean we won't get there, but we just aren't there yet.
I believe having a healthy respect and understanding for both reality and possibility, is the best way for humans to evolve scientifically, and maybe just to plain evolve.

Would we have gone to the moon if scientists and governments assumed it could never happen? Did science teams know EXACTLY what they would find when they requested billions of dollars to develop the Super Collider at Cern? Most recently, never before seen, arsenic eating bacteria were found thriving in Mono Lake, which opened an entirely new realm of possibility regarding extra-terrestrial life in the universe. A possibility that didn't exist in the minds of most scientists a year ago.

My point is, by using both imagination and intelligence, we can allow for the discovery or invention of seemingly, impossible things.

Rigid parameters, the fear of being wrong and the lack of curiosity, will never result in good science.

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Flash back to 1978, it's 114 degrees, I'm in the heart of the Yucatan jungle in Mexico, exploring the Mayan ruins of Chichen-Itza...

I quickly run ahead of my family, down a long causeway and stop at the edge of the sacred cenote well, where dozens of sacrificial maidens had met their fate hundreds of years before. The massive limestone well was filled with brackish green water, ringed with sedimentary layers and ridges from top to bottom.

I gazed into the pool, longing to know for myself - was Leonard Nimoy right? Was this the actual landing site of an alien craft, whose rocket exhaust carved out this massive cenote in one, continuous burst as it propelled back into the universe???

No.....but at least I was open to the possibility.
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Beware...Here thar be dragons!!!

2010-11-12T12:49:00.000-08:00

I'm sure when my Dad purchased his shiny new iPhone almost a year and a half ago, he had no idea that it would require more time than a high-maintenance girlfriend. (And he is no stranger to high maintenance girlfriends)

The only difference between his iPhone and the girlfriend I mentioned above, is that instead of demanding a two week cruise sipping drinks by the pool, the i Phone would rather spend two weeks touring the Apple store while becoming a regular at the "Genius" bar.

Unfortunately, that last Apple software update messed up his email and deleted his gmail password and apparently, it has yet to be fixed by any of the "geniuses" at the Apple store.

Hmm...maybe they should re-think the name of their bar...

I am starting to realize that my Dad has enough "iPhone-know-how" to be dangerous - he actually knows a lot more about how to use the thing than I do. Dad has the soul of an early adopter, but the mechanics of the phone, still elude him. Let me put it this way: My Dad is an excellent driver, but I doubt he could overhaul a transmission. I have the same problem myself, both with cars and iPhones.

Can I just say: I HATE i Tunes, it's difficult and stupid!

I'm assuming the same "Apple geniuses" that created the hot mess that is i Tunes, are currently assisting my Dad at his local Apple store. Fortunately for me, any i Phone updates, issues, problems, etc. get handed off to my tech savvy husband, which allows me to avoid taxing the incredibly puny, atrophied, left side of my brain.

Dad unfortunately, doesn't have that extra help at home, so off he goes, alternately to Apple and then to the AT&T store, multiple times in a week, in the snow, uphill both ways, hoping one of their "geniuses" can figure out why he can't get email. I admire his persistence but...

I'm afraid his iPhone has taken him to distant shores without a compass...and I'm a bit concerned he might not find his way back.

I should have given him the same advice maritime explorers received from concerned family members hundreds of years ago..."Beware the edge of the world - Thar be Dragons!" I think the same goes for the iPhone and any other computing (i.e. Kindle, i Pad) or gaming device, when a user gets sucked into its' thrall.

I think this really goes for all new, exciting things we get interested in - people are compelled to jump in with reckless abandon, lunging forth to purchase that glittering, life-improving object, with only pure enthusiasm to guide their way. We all get deliriously caught up with the latest and greatest at some point or another falling prey to technology or embracing the latest fad. (Grilled cheese trucks rule!)

Sadly, we are pretty much out of new, earthbound things to explore on this planet... Can you think of some place that Carnival Cruises doesn't go...when their engines work? I didn't think so.

So, maybe programmers and computer geeks have actually created the new, final frontier entirely from their imaginations. If so, doesn't that make them "god-like creators" of our new virtual world? It's kind of wild if you really think about humans creating "Sim" worlds that evoke emotions and connections in humans through software and hardware...

If you have a sense of adventure and no vacation days, you've been pretty much screwed up to this time. However, you now have the option to escape or adventure through the Internet, the latest gadget or perhaps a mystical gaming world. You can watch movies on your wristwatch, hunt live animals on the Internet or happen upon a scantily clad, ninja hooker lurking just beyond your screen - waiting to kill or be killed. It's basically all the adventure you can imagine, without the mess of having to behead something with tentacles yourself.

Don't you think if Lewis and Clark were here today, they would run out and purchase a GPS, an LCD big screen and the latest Gods of War game? Of course they would - it's the final frontier!

With all due respect to Lewis and Clark, my Dad would kick their collective butts in any role playing game, so it's probably best they remain in their own time to avoid a showdown. Dad has mastered pretty much every game he has gotten his hands on...and quickly. But the i Phone represents the beast he has yet to tame and his sense of adventure has kicked into high gear.

To be ridiculously over-dramatic: he's on a Vision Quest of sorts - where the new software update is the Gorgon demon and the Apple store employees are the evil trolls. And as with any challenging video game, repetition is essential in learning how to get to the next level. Hence, the repeated trips to the mall.

After my Dad sorts out his email issues, he is determined to find SOME WAY to make his i Phone play Flash videos - Steve Jobs be damned! He believes it can be found by searching the far corners of the web for an elusive "i Phone flash app." Yea, I know, but, he'll figure it out.

My Dad has taught me several things about my i Phone that I had no clue about - and he'll no doubt teach me more in the future. He is completely fascinated with his i Phone and that passion will drive him to keep learning. Interestingly, my 84 year old father-in-law has also caught the same i Phone bug and when he gets together with my Dad, it's literally an i Phone-a-palooza. The world and everyone in it, completely fades into the background, as they share new apps and tips.

Where I am just a homebody Hobbit in the land of technology, Dad is Frodo planning an arduous journey to take the evil ring back to the hell mouth /Apple store - back to where it was forged...

He is off to slay his dragon, the surly beast at the edge of the new world - the one that keeps him from getting email and playing flash video on his phone. My father-in-law will probably go with him.

Keep pushing forward Dad...and don't forget to bring your magic troll dust.

I Honestly Love You

2010-07-19T01:58:00.000-07:00

Welcome back Disrecognized Space fans!

I must start with an apology for the blank space I left on my blog between April 22nd to present. It seems Life has an annoying habit of rearranging my To Do list regularly.

Life is such a micro manager.

I imagine you assume I must have been doing something fun during my time off - it is summer after all, right? Surely, I must have skipped town at some point?

Was I island hopping around the South Seas? Was I enjoying rum drinks on a deserted Mexican beach under swaying palm trees? Is it possible I succumbed to the siren song of Bali Hai and only recently mustered the will to drag myself back to L.A.?

Sure. Let's go with that.

OK, let's put down the Mai Tai's for a second, so I can focus on the topic that's been on my mind...

Being the former cultural anthropology student that I am, I can't help but notice that love and social relationships between people are being drastically and completely redefined by the current generation. Not to say that this hasn't been in the works for a while, but the sheer number of people participating in this unstructured movement is really what's striking to me.

When I say, "Love," I'm not referring to the "undying" devotion that a hot, 300 year old vampire might have for a surly, 17 year old, waif in a summer block buster. I'm just talking about love between consenting, non-dead, adults.

Now that I've taken "vampire-human love" off the table, what could I possibly be talking about that is of any interest ? Here goes...

There are two things that I've been intrigued with most lately: 1) That people are attempting to change societal parameters that define love and how it can be expressed 2) That people are individually re-defining what love is to them.

I believe this change is primarily a phenomenon of western culture in the 21st century. In all of the world's history, I don't think such a large group of people has literally taken such a big jackhammer to social structure & societal expectations. That said, it's hard to take such dynamic and swift action without repercussions...

Who are these people attempting to change age old societal parameters with regard to love?:

Gay rights advocates get civil marriage licenses granted to same-sex couples in about 10 American states and in approximately 19 countries - including Argentina most recently
Couples preferring to live together vs. getting married
Older women marrying and dating younger men (Guilty as charged!)
More people choosing to marry people of different faiths, races and backgrounds
Single women choosing to have and raise children without a spouse
People having sex before marriage and using birth control regardless of their religion's code of conduct

This list goes way beyond 6 examples, but it gives you an idea. I'm guessing that you or someone you know fits under one or several of these now mainstream examples of Love 2.0- am I right? How many of these bullet points would have been considered the "norm" 50 years ago? Maybe the last one, but no one probably admitted to it (you know who you are Catholic girls....)

Societal and religious expectations that are considered too rigid are being disregarded by throngs of people. In exchange, people are embracing a multi-faceted and more tolerant concept of what love is and how they can express it within the bounds of society. In the short-term, some people may suffer by pushing the envelope, either by being discounted or completely ostracized by their families or communities.

Most of these "social anarchists" take solace in believing that one day they may get to love who they want, in the manner of their choosing, without being the focus of negativity or judgment. When it comes down to it, maybe their fight might in fact, liberate us all.

Let's face it, one size, does NOT fit all - I know this because I was at Macy's last week.

With that in mind, are we willing to recognize that there are all sorts of people that have different views & inclinations and might even love people that are different from the people we love? If we let them have what they want - does it mean others will be diminished or does it mean we will have more choices too?

So, let's say I'm gay and have been with someone I love for a long time and want to have the legal protection of a marriage license, do I need to forgo that legal protection because the IDEA of my relationship makes people I don't even know, uncomfortable?

I'm sure I would think about the legal rights my partner and I were being deprived of every day...but I wonder if those faceless people out there in society, that don't approve of my sexuality, would think of me every day?

What about the other end of the love spectrum? There are also people fighting just as hard to OPT OUT of what society condones rather than OPT IN. Sort of like the evil-twin to the gay person WANTING to get married, there is a straight, perfectly "normal"person that is completely UNWILLING to get married. I know what your thinking...anarchy is afoot.

If I choose not to marry, does that threaten someone else's marriage? Probably no more than my marriage ruins someone else's single life.

Maybe you don't have the desire to get married or haven't met the right person, or prefer not to get married, just for the sake of getting married. This kind of shenanigans can be perceived as disruptive and threatening too. It's just not..."normal."

Want to add fuel to the fire? Let's throw in Demi Moore & Ashton Kucher and society has a one way ticket to hell in a hand basket!

Society is all of us of course, but the largest sub-sets of society tend to make the cultural rules. However, it seems that smaller groups are gaining support from individuals from the larger groups in society. For instance, people that support heterosexual marriage, might also support gay marriage and younger men marrying older women - so they sit in multiple camps. That doesn't mean everyone crosses over, BUT, enough people are comfortable with alternative choices, that they have helped bring non-traditional views to the forefront.

Where does that leave the so-called mainstream people, that don't care to cross over? Well, in essence, exactly where they are. No one is going to nullify someone's happy 30 year marriage or give their 2.5 kids to a single mother in a commune...the real threat may actually come in the form of new choice and options.

I can't help but think in some cases, someone might perceive new choices as threats to them, if THEY made the wrong choice originally. Maybe options weren't available when they made their original choice and they resent the idea that others might have those options now. It also might lead to evaluation of their current relationships, which could create turmoil. That said, these are clearly internal struggles, not something that comes from outside people or new choices.

The general reaction when people have the option to love and live as they please, probably is more mundane.
The traditional people go on happily with their lives and the non- traditional folks get to choose their style of expressing love, their decisions respected by society. Not exactly the apocalypse.

Look at the laundry list of politicians, movie stars, athletes, business people, civic and religious leaders that have been entangled in scandals regarding their sex lives and relationships in the recent past. Apparently, no one has cornered the market on functional, perfect relationships, not even the straight or married people. If that's the case, it might be more honest to just realize that some people have good relationships and some have bad ones - regardless of the individuals involved.

My feeling is that this new sea-change is more about a need for personal authenticity and a desire to love oneself and others with integrity. I don't think it's about destroying marriage or the family unit, or creating discomfort or bastardizing love in any way. I think more and more people just want to be honest and open about their lives, what they want and who they love.

Frankly, I don't feel like stopping them.

OK, before you go back to your Mai Tai, let me know what you think by typing your comments at the bottom of the post.

Hope you are enjoying your own summer of love!

Facebook: The Good, The Bad and Farmville

2010-04-22T13:07:00.000-07:00

I've noticed there are two camps of people emerging in our brave new world, the camp that embraces Facebook and all of its virtual connectedness and the Haters that would rather drink a liver and raw egg smoothie, then play Mafia Wars or find a 2nd grade school mate.

At the risk of playing both sides, I do see why FB is both loved and reviled by so many people. Farmville is a PERFECT example - either you love nurturing virtual farm animals and plants or you consider it a time-wasting, beg-fest that clutters up your live message feed.

To be perfectly honest, I could care less about someone's virtual animal taking a crap, their virtual lucky number or their exhaustive search for virtual bistro tables for their virtual restaurant. Whenever I get a Facebook request from a particular sister about something she needs for her damn farm, I take the time to post in the comment section, "No!" and sometimes, "Hell, No!" if I'm feeling particularly cantankerous. It's interesting that this nameless sister can shoot out Farmville and Restaurant requests, but can't seem to regularly call or email. Yes, nameless sister, YOU know who you are!

The Farmville game seems to evoke the most angry reactions from non-players and business users on Facebook. I have a friend that announced recently on Facebook, that he was "going to delete some of his FB connections...starting with Farmville people!" If you've been on FB long enough and have enough friends, you know his frustration.

I'm not sure if the programmers of these Facebook games allow you to switch off your global updates to other Facebookers, but I suggest they figure out something pronto! Maybe a better idea is to have a feed for non-game playing Facebookers that automatically ignores any Farmville, Mafia Wars or other game playing updates. Hmmm...people might actually PAY MONEY for that service just out of sheer exasperation...interesting business model.

Hey, Facebook! I'm giving you a new revenue stream here!!!

The cooler aspects of Facebook involve business, fund raising and online participation for causes or other activities. I'm currently the Facebook moderator for the Crown Jewel Club charity and we use FB to keep our fans and members aware of fund raising activities and the latest happenings with the charity. We've doubled our fan membership over the past 6 months, which means more people are aware of us via Facebook. Now for a shameless plug: CJC Facebook Page

Businesses, media, high-profile people and many others are reaping major financial rewards and client loyalty by setting up Facebook pages and Twitter accounts. Businesses can announce new products or tell you about the latest happenings. I belong to the Fairytale Brownie and Trader Joe FB pages to be in the "know."
I have personally chased down one of those cool new gourmet food trucks due to a Twitter update on where they were parked and set up that day.

It's a GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH TRUCK, of course I'm going to chase it.

The most used aspect of FB is the fact that you can connect with old friends you've lost touch with from school or work. Granted, you may not want to be found by some people, but you don't have to accept their friend requests or you can "unfriend" them if they start to annoy or stalk you...or play Farmville.

A plea from me to all Facebookers:

If you want to be a good FB user, make sure you actually write comments that people care about. If I see another comment like, "I'm eating a pear" or "I need to pick up my dry cleaning" I will lose it! No one freakin' cares about your dry cleaning or your stupid pear. Tell us something interesting or funny - I don't care how late the garbage man was today - tell me where that grilled cheese truck is!!!

I also have noticed I've been getting a bit obsessive about checking FB on my iPhone. FB messages are kind of addicting. I check it as often as email and I'm thinking Facebook may land me in a 12 step group if I'm not careful.

I realize, there is sort of a natural age group that gravitates toward FB. Most of the people that I know are women and men in their 30's and 40's, but of course that's my demo. The younger set is involved with it for fun, but don't seem to be taking advantage of it for business. In the past, I thought my Dad might be interested in it, so I tried to explain Facebook.

Me: Facebook is a good way to connect with friends - including your kids - you can see what we are posting and what we are doing...you can join groups that you have an interest in too.

Dad: I don't have a plan for texting or twiting, so I don't think I can do that on my iPhone.

Me: Dad, it's not texting - it's just on the regular Internet - you don't pay for it, it's just a regular site.

Dad: I have email and Google, so I don't need to twit or Face...whatever...really.

Well, apparently, Facebook may not be for everyone.

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Got Hate?

2010-03-27T15:53:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm sure everyone is well aware of the nasty back and forth in the House, brick throwing & bullets through windows, Hitler picture modifications, threats, prejudicial slurs and name calling and the general lack of decorum taking place across the country and in the Capitol right now. We have apparently devolved as a nation, into the worst possible 'Jersey Shore' episode. Frankly, C-Span and MTV could save a lot on production costs if they just share their content.

I don't know about you, but I find it a bit scary when drunken, half-naked Spring breakers have better behavior and general decency than a middle aged parent of two. Does anyone feel like they've woken up in Bizarro world?

It's a tragedy that most of the "Greatest Generation" is dead. I imagine many of them could tell us a thing or two about conducting ourselves like rational adults, persevering through major economic downturns, sharing responsibility as citizens, and facing down true fascism that killed millions.

Frankly, they would have every right to be shocked and dismayed at how dramatically we rant about stuff that would have been a blip on their radar back in the day. I am starting to believe that they may have been the last group in our country, that actually made it to adulthood.

I'm considering re-reading, "Lord of the Flies" for cultural survival tips.

Our current generation, Baby Boomers & Busters included, has been coddled, protected and infused with the idea that everything should be done our way, all the time. Over the past decade or so, it seems that if we don't win or someone disagrees with us, we get angry, indignant, rude and whine. We don't just disagree, we HATE and RAGE.

What a wonderful legacy we are leaving to our kids. I imagine great books, mini-series and sonnets will be written about this period of time, honoring "The Pissed-off, Whiny Generation."

Can you feel the pride?

This goes way beyond politics, so don't think for a second that this is about one political group or another, I'm condemning the ENTIRE, ill-behaved population. So let's get that straight.

I imagine that as I write this, Canada is considering legislation to put a huge fence up on their southern border. And frankly, if they aren't, they should be - if only to protect the niceness of their population. I doubt they want Americans busting in and wrecking the place...

Are you offended yet? I bloody well hope so.

I hope you are so offended that you go out of your way to prove me wrong.

I hope you defiantly have rational, fact-based debates and are respectful of others, even if they are acting like jack asses. I hope you funnel your anger into something positive and take to behaving as though the person you respect most in life was watching you on a 24 hour web cam. I hope you are so willing to prove me wrong, that you share your intent to be respectful and decent with other people too, so they start thinking about it.

That'll show me!!!

I dare you to not pick a fight, to be respectful of opposing views, avoid accusatory statements, including anything that remotely sounds like taunting and oh yea...no shitty comments said quietly under your breath.

I DARE YOU!

You can be miffed, you can be angry, you can be outraged, you can be up in arms, you can even feel like you want to kill someone, but just ACT and BEHAVE like a rational human being on the outside. That's all.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, because most of you are conscientious people, but I urge you to start going out of your way to change this culture of hate and nastiness. If you see a friend or relative behaving badly, help them out by telling them how they are being perceived. Write your government officials telling them what kind of behavior you expect of them as well. If you have kids, raise them to have and show respect and to be humane and polite, by setting a good example and apologizing to them if you screw up.

If we are to change our legacy and our reputation as a country and as a generation, we need to start right now.

Unfortunately, The Crown Jewel Club doesn't exist for adults, so were going to have to take a good hard look at ourselves and snap out of this terrible national attitude of hate and pettiness. It would be great if we could all make the effort to grow up into a generation that we can be proud of and that future generations can respect.

End of lecture.
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I don't like to move it, move it !!!

2010-03-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

Moving day has come and gone and we are now in our beautiful, circa 1922 duplex rental, a block from the beach. It has all the 1920's charm that you would expect; sunny rooms, crown molding, hardwood floors and lovely Mexican tiles in the kitchen & bathrooms.

That said, 8 (scratch that )10 days later, I am still surrounded by towers of boxes, piles of cords, stacks of electronic equipment, books, vases, bags of stuff and a potpourri of various & sundry items, housed in plastic containers. Most of these things are wedged into "free" spaces in any available room or hallway. My dining room set, wine bar, buffet and over-sized chest of drawers now reside in our single car garage. The car resides on the street.

You may be thinking, "Kris, why the hell don't you just unpack your crap and stop your stupid whining?!" But before you start to speculate on my inability to put things away, it is not because of pure laziness that I find myself navigating a maze of banker boxes on the way to the bathroom every morning...

As it turns out, our "new" place has major rain damage, characterized by water filling up the lighting fixture on the dining room ceiling and gray, fuzzy mold sprouting, unimpeded from various layers of drywall & plaster. Consequently, our dining room has been rendered useless - mainly due to lack of a ceiling, but let's face it, who wants to pick out pieces of moldy drywall from their food?

I am assured by very capable people that things will be back to "normal" by Monday (scratch that) Tuesday. Which should be just in time to start digging up and replacing the mainline pipe on the side of the house.

If you've never had the pleasure of doing a mainline pipe replacement, you are missing out!. We did one on our last rental house (circa 1950) during the first week of move-in and were able to skip a couple days of pesky showers while the water was shut off. BTW, Trader Joe's has wonderful bathroom facilities if you have to "go" between 8am to 9pm - anytime after that - it's a 24 hour grocery store.

Good times.

The upside is: we like our place a lot, we're saving several hundred dollars a month and we will probably only be living like this for a few more days. The cherry on top is that we don't OWN this place, so repair bills for the roof, the ceiling and the mainline are not coming out of our pocket - so we get all the benefits of living in a charming older home and someone else gets the bills. Yes, we are inconvenienced for a couple of weeks, but since we plan on staying here a long time, we're willing to deal with it.

I have a friend that is purchasing a CHARMING house built in 1928. You know that Chinese curse? 'May you live in interesting times' - I think the same curse is implied for 'May you live in a charming house.'

They have chosen not to do a camera inspection of their 1928 mainline pipe or a further roof inspection, even though the inspector suggested it might need to be replaced soon. They are also flying solo - without a real estate agent. I'm guessing they will be in our situation about 6 months from now, but with a huge difference - THEY will be paying the bills.

Yes, I've warned them.

Frankly, I love places with character and I'm always drawn to homes or apartments that are unique and not just a cookie cutter, clone of every place on the block. I'm a sucker for built-in shelves and coves, glass door knobs, original tile and wood work, etc. I know why my friend fell in love with the house they are buying - but you have to understand what you are getting yourself into.

A "slush fund" of about $20k is mandatory if you are buying any older property and that will probably only cover the first incident or two. But hey, that's the price of falling in love.

That said, when I start buying property, I have a list of must haves: Must be built after 1990, Must have a new mainline pipe, Must have copper plumbing, Must have insulated windows and Must have a leak-proof ceiling over the dining room.

Screw charm.
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Calling on your humanity

2010-01-15T13:06:00.000-08:00

As most of you know, I'm a huge news hound and I have been glued to CNN and checking news reports about Haiti online after the tragic earthquake there. Clearly, the impact from this devastating earthquake is going to be playing out for years to come, that said, we need to get monetary donations to Haiti ASAP.

After watching three days of children with head wounds and compound fractures, images of dead bodies piled up in the streets and numerous interviews of hopeless people having lost loved ones...I can't help but think, could this be California at some point in the future? Sadly, it was New Orleans not so long ago.

Keeping that in mind, I hope everyone takes this situation to heart and donates $5 or $10 to a relief fund of your choice, that will get doctors, supplies, water and food to the people there. I'll put a link to a list of various vetted charities at the bottom to make it easy.

Three of my favorite charities are Doctors without Borders, Red Cross and The Clinton Foundation. I hope you find a favorite and donate as generously as you can. The smallest donation of $5 can help tremendously, so don't let the amount stop you.

A quote about the survivors struck me earlier today on CNN, 'It's like asking 911 victims to do search and rescue for three days straight without food or water.' Imagine that.

I have to say, that no matter what our economic woes are right now, I would not trade them to be starving, injured on the street or trapped alive under rubble in Port au Prince at this moment. Would you?

Check out this video that my friend, Pam Robinson, sent to me. It was put together by recording artist Glen Scott and friends from Hidden Beach, that wanted to do something to help raise money for Haiti - great music and images:

The Impossible Cut

For you cynics out there: Knock it off.

There is no reason to doubt where your donation goes if you actually do a little research of vetted charities to give to. If you aren't giving because you're afraid your money is going to be taken by some dark entity disguised as a charity, then get off your butt and find a charity that you can trust - that is no excuse not to help people. I am probably one of the most cynical people on the planet, however, that doesn't keep me from giving to responsible charities. If you are one of these people, don't think you look "savvy" or "smart" because you are withholding a donation to save lives.

A good friend of mine pointed out today, that there are so many people on Facebook posting results from silly games and their latest animal acquisitions on Farmville, that it seems they are out of touch and their time could go to much better use. That said, a little fun is never a bad thing, as long as it is balanced out with an appropriate amount of concern about the real world. I hope that "virtual engagement" never overshadows the needs of people.

So, I'm asking everyone to think about your humanity today - what can you do to help if you haven't already?

I challenge you to be a citizen of the world and reach out to the people of Haiti now.

Please go to this link below to see a variety of vetted charities:

List of Charities that help Haiti

It's 2010: Where's my futuristic stuff?

2010-01-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

We finally made it! 2010! We are officially living in the future!

How does it feel to be driving around in your new hovercraft? Don't you adore your shiny, silver, hi-tech jumpsuit? And tell me you can't get enough of that button in the kitchen that shoots out perfectly prepared roast beef from a little door in the wall!!! How's your robot dog doing????

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm still waiting for my damned jet pack...

So, if the future is now, where's my stuff???!!! I hate to say it, but I have the distinct feeling I've been rooked. It doesn't feel very futuristic here in 2010.

I used to regularly watch TV shows like Space 1999, Ark II, Twilight Zone and The Jetsons, dreaming of the amazing technology of the future. How about that cool Ark II Winnebago trolling a post-apocalyptic world with Adam the talking monkey at the helm? Or what about that robot maid, Rosie, the Jetsons had? I sure could use her! Sign me up for that condo on the moon!

I loved movies like Logan's Run, Star Trek, 2001: A Space Odyssey and anything about the future just beyond my grasp. I wondered what futuristic new gadgets & technological wizardry awaited me in 2010 - perhaps a non-homicidal version of the Hal 9000?!

I long to say to Scotty, "Beam me up to the hologram deck, I'm ready to bask under the four suns of Gandar with my 3 headed space cat."

That would be so awesome...

Apparently, the tech downturn in 2001 was worse than I thought. It's 2010 and I don't even have a phaser I can set to stun...

That said, it hasn't been a total loss, we do have the Internet, iPhones, The Prius, the super collider at CERN, the "Roomba", DVRs, the Hubble Telescope and the Segway! That's not bad, but it's definitely not a personal mini-spaceship that can jump to hyper-drive in 3.2 seconds - now that's something to get excited about!

I'm sure we'll eventually get there, but I can't help but think that science and technology has a long way to go before I can get my anti-gravity basketball shoes or eat at that restaurant at the end of the universe.

We'll, until I can shake my disappointment, I guess I'll just put on my spandex jacket and listen to Donald Fagan's I.G.Y. song, daring to dream that 2020 will bring me the three headed space cat I've coveted for so long...

Lyrics to I.G.Y. by a fella with compassion and vision...

The New Face of Technology

2009-11-18T14:37:00.000-08:00

For as long as I can remember, my friend, I'll call him.... "Brian", has been telling me that I need to be dragged into the 21st century kicking and screaming.

He thinks I'm a Luddite*, that I'm confused when it comes to the ways of the new world of technology, he thinks it is strangely ironic that I successfully sell high tech software to people that actually have functioning left brains.

Interestingly enough, a few years back, while working at a 3D sound technology company, the Orange County register wrote an article called, "The new face of technology," that featured a section about me.

Ironically, another good friend, I'll call him..."David," also thought this was quite amusing since he believes I can barely reset my cable box. For several months after, every time he would call me, he would greet me with, "Hey! How's the new face of technology?" And then he would laugh for a very long time.

That said, the article was not focused on my technical abilities (believe it or not) it was basically saying that there is room in the technology industry for people with other business qualifications - and they can actually make a pretty good go of it. Over the years, I've found this to be very true, lucky for me and many others that aren't techy, dweeby, geeky or nerdy. Don't get me wrong, I have a great respect for people that understand the ins and outs of a video compression codec, but in this brave new world, not everyone gets it. As a matter of fact, most people don't - just ask your Dad.

I've been in Sales and Marketing for many cutting edge tech companies over the years and I've found that my primary role is best summed up as, "interpreter." I get technical information from engineers, I transmorgify it in my brain, and then I spit out intelligible sales pitches, marketing messages and lay peoples' terms to everyone else. And by "everyone else," I mean the people with money to purchase, license or see the value in whatever technology I'm selling. I'm the person that makes people "get it and pay money for it," so to speak.

I love technology, but he is a cruel master.

What can I say? I have the soul of an early adopter, but the technical ability of a pencil.

But that's OK, you can still appreciate something you don't completely understand...sort of like how my Dad appreciates his iPhone.

Dad, I'll call him...Dad, has had his new iPhone for about a month now and once we got him over the hurdle of how to answer voicemail, it's been downhill ever since. He has adopted the "lingo" of an iPhone user, that said, he really only has 2 words and they apply to everything, "reset & App". Anything on his phone is now an "app," the settings, the keypad, the on/off button... I do my best to help him navigate his iPhone while on the phone with him, but when you only have 2 terms, it makes it difficult.

Dad: "Well, I'm touching the app button now, but it's not doing anything. Maybe I should reset it.

Me: "Which app are you talking about? Give it some time, don't just reset."

Dad: "I reset all the time because sometimes the app doesn't come up."

Me: "How often do you "reset" Dad?

Dad: "At least once a day. That might be why my settings are erased."

Me: "What?"

Dad: "By the way, is there an app that can play my DirecTV on the iPhone and automatically answer email if I don't want to?

Me: "They don't have that Dad. It doesn't exist."

Dad: "Well, someone should make that app, I would use it all the time."

Me: "Let's just focus on how to check email,OK?"

Dad: "I just reset it again, so we'll have to wait a minute for everything to come back up."

This is one of the few cases in which I feel technically superior to someone. It probably won't last long, my Dad is an accomplished PS3 player, so I'm guessing my smug superiority will only last another month or so.

Fortunately, I've married a person that takes care of all my firewall and computer needs, otherwise, I would pretty much be in the dark writing letters, darning socks and reading newspapers by candlelight.

Ultimately, I'm amazed and humbled by technology and though I doubt it is amazed and humbled by me...I think we have a mutual respect thing going on.

I may be crappy at algorithms and making small talk on FaceBook, but I know a good thing when I see it. Technology is becoming more accessible to people...including my Dad, and someone has to be able to tap into this market, to help it prosper, to gain market share... to make lots and lots of commission!

Which is why I am (dramatic pause) the new face of technology!!!!

Now I just need a job.

*Luddite - One who opposes technical or technological change. Neo-luddism does not equate necessarily to outright technophobia and includes the critical examination of the effects technology has on individuals and communities.

Digging up the past...

2009-10-01T15:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not the kind of person that would consider myself nostalgic for the "old days."

I don't reminisce about Homecoming games, late night boozefests, or the year I wielded intoxicating, omnipotent power over 5,000 social science students as the Vice-Chair of the Behavioral Science School at CSULB...

Well, maybe I think back on the omnipotent power part - just a little.

Generally, thinking of old college days reminds me why I would never bother going back for a higher degree, most of it was a stress-induced nightmare, with a big side of work. Thank you, no.

High school was a lot more fun, but two things impinged on my general good time:

Number 1) Pre-Algebra, Algebra, Geometry, Geometry, Algebra, Geometry & Geometry - each one of those was a class I had to take and repeat over and over again, like that movie,'Ground Hog Day.' I wasted 4 years of high/summer school, not to mention the extra hours of tutoring from two high school math teachers, 1 student tutor and a computer learning center. Suffice it to say : I HATE MATH

IT IS MY CRYPTONITE!

Number 2) The tortuous breakdown of my family prior to my parents divorce

I'm not one of those people that would EVER want a re-do of my life up to this point - I don't care if you made me a perfect size 6, gave me perfect skin and let me be the Homecoming Queen - I'm not going back to school! You can't make me!

That said, the only thing from my past that I don't mind having pop up again are the people I met along the way.

There were a lot of good people I went to school with - many I've kept in touch with, but many I've lost track of. With the advent of FaceBook, I've actually found several old friends that I am glad to be back in touch with, along with a couple that I would have preferred to leave back in High School. Overall, it's been a good resource that allowed me to catch up with folks. That's how I heard about our High School reunion and pre-reunion party that I went to last week.

Lots of people worry that their old classmates will treat them badly, look more youthful or will completely outshine them when confronted with their accomplishments. Based on my experience, that's really not the case.

Time is the great equalizer. Everyone has grown up (believe it or not)- the bullies and the stuck up people too. And guess what? The cheerleaders and football players look like everyone else now. Many have kids, have been through divorces, are out of work, working for themselves, gained weight, had a little "work" done, are going back to school and are, by and large, productive, decent citizens.

Go figure.

I know there are still some that won't go to their high school reunions or catch up with people on Facebook (Brian), but I would urge you to at least consider reconnecting with people that you truly liked from the past.

All friends hold a piece of you, a snapshot of your life at a certain point in time, so when you disconnect from a friend, esoterically speaking, you lose a piece of yourself. Instead of re-living old memories, why not re-connect with people from your past and make new memories?

(Disclaimer: I'm not responsible if you touch base with an axe murder and are bludgeoned to death as a result of my encouragement)

Granted, some people can change in bad ways over time, as well as in good, but you can always "unfriend" them on FaceBook if absolutely necessary. Isn't modern life grand?!!

So, my advice this week is to Suck It Up and just get back in touch - even if it is a friend you haven't called for 3 years, just pick up the phone. Not only will you re-find your friend, you might also inadvertently find a part of you that has been missing for some time.

Let's Party!!!

2009-09-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

My grandparents knew how to party.

I'm not talking jello shots and a bag of chips on the makeshift coffee table kind of partying, I'm talking about place cards, sit down meals, charades, costumes, party favors - the real deal. My grandparents had at least 4 or 5 handwritten party invitations sitting on their kitchen counter at any given time. I was in awe of how popular they were and how many friends they had. They enjoyed a seemingly endless cavalcade of parties, club events and bridge nights that kept them busy most days. They were ENGAGED with their friends and people in general. My husband's parents are very much like that too - attending parties, book clubs, lectures, doing charity work and actively embracing not only their friends, but people they don't even know. Shocking isn't it?!

I mention this because I've noticed in recent years, people by and large, have all but stopped having parties and consciously interacting with others. Obviously, there are still parties for birthdays and occasionally, the housewarming, but the dinner, cocktail and the "just because" parties have seem to have fallen by the wayside. I noticed it started just after 9/11 - because before that I was constantly going to parties and events and had a VERY good time, as I recall.

It's a shame so many social engagements have been suspended, because in some small way, it signals a time in our history where people have become more withdrawn, anti-social and isolated from each other. I think we may still be feeling the effects of 9/11 and all of the negativity that came after it.

Are we Facebooking, Twittering, XBoxing and TV watching our way into social oblivion? Do we feel safer just observing or interacting behind an avatar in cyberspace or is it just easier & lower maintenance to make invisible friends online?

How many kids/people do you know that are so focused on their Gameboy, the Internet or watching their favorite movie for the 10th time, that they don't even notice other humans in the room?

Have you observed the slow down of interesting, thought provoking conversations or the inability of people to make casual conversation? When was the last time someone looked you in the eye and asked you thoughtful questions backed up by genuine interest? How about politeness and paying attention - what happened to those little gems?

Riddle me this: Is there a restaurant or bar in this country where the sound system is NOT turned up to "11" and where multiple sporting events are NOT being televised at the same time, rendering speech useless? I don't think so, Batman.

In my humble opinion, we are experiencing a social & cultural sea change brought on by a perfect storm of technology, the economic tsunami, burn out and a vast, national malaise.

We are making it more and more difficult to interact with others face to face - even if we actually are face to face. A conscious effort to re-engineer how we deal with people may be required.

It might mean inviting friends over for dinner or a potluck and a game of Pictionary regularly, choosing a walk at the beach over an evening of online gaming, starting a book club or discussion group with people you may not know well. There are a lot of ways to enjoy people's company and it doesn't require loads of money or major planning.

Admittedly, times are tough right now, but I think that is all the more reason for people to band together and shore up what's left of our waning happiness, social interaction and civility. In spite of everything, we still depend on friendship and personal relationships, even if we occasionally succumb to the siren call of the Tivo.

I look forward to the day when I am regularly booked for parties and functions - garden parties, pinochle & canasta games (I've never played), formal cocktail soirees, I don't really care what, I just want to be on the guest list.

My husband and I throw quite a few parties and we enjoy doing it - I think we had around 8 different parties this summer. That said, as much as I love the "usual suspects," I would like to meet new people and schmooze at someone else's wonderful party. Most importantly, I want to concentrate on the lost art of connecting with people, making new friends and maybe for a fleeting moment, ponder my burgeoning popularity ;)

It's nice to be nice

2009-09-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

If you don't know me, I should tell you straight out, that I'm the kind of person that believes that vast majority of people are failing miserably on the "Niceness Scale." They aren't outright bad people, but they aren't going to go out of their way for you either.

Why am I so pessimistic/realistic about people you ask? Because I don't believe that most people can regularly look beyond their more self-centered interests. To be perfectly honest, I often wonder if I can regularly look beyond my self-centered interests. Believe me, I am not sitting in judgment here, I'm just making an observation.

Everyday, we are given options to do good or to help others out in some way and we usually don't take advantage of those opportunities because A) If we don't do the nice thing, no one will know B) If the gesture is small, it won't matter anyway C) Someone else will probably do it instead (husbands regularly abuse this one - so I've heard).

These are all crappy excuses, but I know for a fact, I rifle through every one of them when I'm debating whether I want to be helpful or not. Sometimes, my "better angels" are on a smoking break and I'm left to my own devices to make a choice.

They really should quit smoking.

That said, I realize that sometimes you've got to fly solo and do good for the sake of doing good - no matter if it is only a small thing or if no reward is forthcoming. I've decided to (generally) ignore the darker, self-interested side of my humanity and make the effort to make the effort. If life is truly its own reward, as I believe, then I need to start rewarding people more.

Good friends can teach you what you lack. I've always observed my friends for tips on how to do things - there is always something to learn, if you picked the right people. I have a lot of generous and giving friends that I am already starting to spy on. (Watch out generous friends - I'm spying on YOU!)

I've also found that doing something nice or helping someone out, is a lot harder to do when you are working. I find I'm a lot more helpful, patient and generous, when I have more time on my hands. The true test is how nice, patient and generous you are when you are busy...

Even if you are working, you can still give a little of your time to help someone or let the mom with the screaming baby move ahead of you in line at the store. Not only are you being helpful to the poor Mom, you are also getting that screaming child out of the store faster, which benefits everyone! :)

I've already started my kindness assault, but instead of listing all of the wonderful things I've done this week, I thought I'd list the nice things that people have done for me (note: many involve food):

- Aytac & Michelle brought us fresh fish from their Alaskan fishing trip
- Laurie brought over two bottles of wine and shrimp for lunch the other day
- A lady at the grocery store let me move ahead in line (I wasn't even screaming!)
- Elsa forwarded my resume to her friend with a job opening
- Laurie is giving her family hotel credits for a December trip (extra kudos to her!)
- Deb is making cupcakes to bring to my house on Sunday
- Ross cleaned, sanitized & de-anted the kitchen & was a great host this weekend

That's a pretty good list - plus, I know I've left some things out as well. And before you say, "Ah ha! Apparently, you were wrong since you said average people aren't nice and then you listed a bunch of people you know that just did a bunch of nice things."

Number 1: I'm never, ever wrong - just ask my husband, Ross.
Number 2: I don't have "average people" as friends. So there. I win.

My challenge to you, as well as, for myself, is to pay it forward and consciously do a nice thing for someone every day. If you can work up to two or three things a day, even better. Whether you know the person or not, just do it!

Let me know if someone has done something particularly nice for you or if you have done something that made someone very grateful.

If you are looking to direct your niceness at a charity, but don't have one, you can help out with one of my favorite charities:
www.CrownJewelClub.org or find your own at www.CharityNavigator.org

Good luck and remember: It's nice to be nice to the nice....

Some of my best friends are men...

2009-08-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

I just got a call today, from my friend Erik. I've known Erik since about 6th or 7th grade - which puts us in the 25+ year friendship range. He calls once a month or so and when he's in town, we usually end up hanging out over a meal. Occasionally, his lovely wife and kids come along when they are out for a long weekend.

Erik told me something really bothersome that happened to his 13 year old daughter
this week at school. It was bothersome because it really struck a chord with me - a chord that was struck somewhere around 2nd grade and is still reverberating decades later in the back of my skull. But I digress...

Erik's daughter is every parent's dream, not only is she smart, outgoing and beautiful, she is extremely well-mannered and happens to love her parents. Which probably is why one of the cliques that she had associated with last year, wants nothing to do with her.

Apparently, these evil little 13 year old twerps, hadn't seen her over the summer, and they didn't like her speaking to new friends at school, so they decided to unanimously banish her from the clique - via TEXT MESSAGE!!! What kind of freakishly insecure morons do that you ask???? What vile, twisted cold-hearted airheads would text a friend something like that?

Oh yea, pretty much most girls between 7 and 19 that reside on the planet.

Dealing with these idiots is a rite of passage that no one tells you about or prepares you for. It's what I remember a psychologist friend of mine calling in scientific terms, "The Mind Fuck."

Yes, that is exactly what it is and exactly what it feels like and a 7 year old girl can perfect it.

Ask any woman that has had female friends as a child (most of us) and they will tell you about their experiences of being excluded from games of jump rope, picked on about their weight, height, clothing, crying while watching school mates run away inexplicably, or hurl vicious insults - all executed masterfully by their very best childhood girlfriends.

Frankly, little girls suck - there, I said it! They are mistresses of backstabbing, pettiness and group think. At an early age, we learn the unspoken language of taking power, destroying people emotionally and maintaining popularity with the majority...it's amazing most of us didn't grow up to be politicians.

It is vital to know this second language and the unwritten protocol of girls or you will never have a chance to learn how to maneuver through the female undercurrent successfully. You will be outcast, chastised, politely ignored or hated by most women if you don't learn the rules.

Just sit down and watch the TV show MadMen about NY Ad men and the women around them in the early 60's. Women viewers will pick up on all of the unspoken situations involving the female characters that men watching would miss entire. Worlds of information are passed along without a single word or just a few. If you are a guy that watches MadMen, have a woman sit next to you, so she can tell you what you are missing.

Personally, I got fed up with girls when I was 8 or 9 and decided to switch teams...so to speak. Most of my friends were boys until about Sophomore year.

Once I started hanging out regularly with my guy friends, it felt kind of liberating. I didn't have to call them every night to plan what to wear to school the next day and it seemed there was always room for another outfielder if I wanted to play baseball. When boys are mad at you, they tell you or they hit you, then it's over. When you piss off a girlfriend, the next day at school you find out half of your girlfriends won't speak to you and the other half want to know the inside scoop.

It's just a whole different, stress free kind of relationship with males. You can joke around and make fun of them and they don't take it personally. If they make fun of you or laugh at one of your jokes, that means you've made it into the club. Guys just don't laugh at stuff to be polite, it has to be REALLY funny or they won't give you the laugh. Good friendships with guys are more a matter of respect and holding your own. Friendships with girls are more about appearing not to be better than anyone else, but popular enough to be respected by most people in the group at any given time.

Relationships with women are just automatically more complicated - there is a lot more going on, constantly, and you have to be aware of it. With the kind of friendship monitoring that needs to be done with a girlfriend, you end up knowing someone really well. Of course, men have deep friendships too, but I think the rapport is built through shared experiences, verses knowing what makes your friend tick on a deep level.

If you put it in trite, limited, literary terms - men are like an Ernest Hemingway story, entertaining, striking and to the point, and women are like James Mitchner novels, lots of detail, nuance and require an investment of time. Both have their merits, but sometimes, you just want a good story, without having to wade through 1500 pages. And sometimes, it's the other way around.

Now, it might sound like I'm bashing the girls here, but in truth, once they grow up, they truly grow up. I have made some incredibly loyal and good female friends over the past 10 years and really enjoy their generosity, sensitivity and friendship. My female friends are funny, well-traveled, creative and very smart - I wish I had met them in grade school!

Getting back to my friend Erik's daughter... My suggestion to her would be to choose friends based on how kind, compassionate, secure and trustworthy they are, male or female. Lose the ones that don't meet your criteria. Remember, you set the bar for yourself, don't let anyone else do it for you. When you look at your friends, do they represent the best aspects of you? Are you proud of them and their behavior?

It seems like the evil monster girls that enjoy texting poison pen letters, have crossed themselves off your list - and you are well rid of them!

If you do it right when you are young and pick great people to be friends with, you'll be on the phone 25 years from today with one of them.

Revenge: You gotta love it!

2009-08-25T10:13:00.000-07:00

Ah, sweet revenge...truly one of the most satisfying things I can think of...

I saw the new Tarantino movie, "Inglourious Basterds" this weekend and started thinking about the psychological satisfaction of getting revenge. I won't give away the movie, but the basic premise is about an elite squad of Jewish American soldiers in WWII that terrorize the Nazis. Granted, this is a fantasy with historical & gruesome overtones, but it gives you a sense of pleasure seeing the Nazis get their just desserts, even if true events didn't play out exactly as portrayed. It got me to thinking about how satisfying it is to even the playing field, teach someone a lesson or literally take an eye for an eye. Even just the thought of getting even can sometimes be enough to quell the sense of injustice you might be the victim of.

Granted, I was born a surly scorpion on a dark day in November, which is why I love revenge almost as much as I love chocolate and small kittens. I don't think of myself as an evil person, in spite of the 666 prefix on my phone number - I just think people that do naughty things should get payback.

Revenge is an important part of teaching life lessons and helping misguided people evolve to become a better version of themselves. It's kind of Biblical if you think about it - I take that "Do unto others' line to heart. In my view, if you can help some wayward soul see the error of their ways, you are actually doing them and countless other potential victims of their negativity a big service. Revenge is a reaction to vengeance inflicted - it is a secondary, defensive action that would never have been launched without due cause.

Keeping that in mind, revenge should not be ventured into lightly, the action against you should be large enough to really piss you off, not just annoy or peeve you. It is also important that the other party, by most reasonable people's standards, did something ABSOLUTELY wrong and hurtful that required thought or conscious planning to inflict.

Here's a little test - which of these people deserves wrath?

a) Someone steals the parking spot you have been waiting for
b) Your best friend sleeps with your spouse

If you answered b, you are correct, if you answered a, you need to enroll in anger management classes.

That said, it is important to have a well-thought out plan on how to exact revenge, while also teaching a lesson and staying out of trouble yourself. Remember, revenge is not fulfilling if you get into trouble for it.

One of my favorite examples of revenge was inflicted by a friend of mine several years ago. Her husband had invited a friend of his to stay a week at their house about a month after they got married. It was supposed to be temporary and the house guest was just thrust on my friend, with no prior discussion.

Well, after 3 months, the house guest in question was still there and her husband refused to have him leave. In this case, there were two culprits, the husband and the house guest. Fortunately, my friend had two important pieces of info on the house guest: he was wanted in another state for a drunk driving offense and he had not paid taxes to the IRS in years.

She asked the guy one more time to leave and he refused, so she went upstairs, called the police and explained that there was a fugitive from the law in her house that needed to be picked up. Someone without an air tight plan, might have stopped there. However, to ensure that this house guest would never return again, she called the IRS and gave them an anonymous tip with information about where they could find this guy to get their tax money. She figured an audit would keep him busy for a while.

Needless to say, the house guest was gone that day, no one knew who tipped off the police and IRS and she got her house back. Her husband was shocked by the events that day , but she suggested that it should be a lesson to his friend to never drink and drive, because the long arm of the law will find you. (With a little help)

The point is, she didn't vandalize or set fire to anything, she had a solid, rational plan. (yes, she did eventually kick her husband to the curb)

This type of revenge isn't on the same scale as the Inglourious Basterds, but she assured me it was extremely satisfying nonetheless.

Frankly, people need to understand the importance of consequences. They can't just go running around like selfish heathens without payback.

Sometimes an act of revenge can be instantaneous after a situation has been assessed. My sister was at the mall one day and saw this woman angrily beating her small toddler in front of everyone. I think the woman even bit her child at one point. Everyone was shocked, but no one did anything until my sister stepped up and started screaming at the top of her lungs something to the effect of: "This woman is beating her child, call security!!! Get security over here right away, this woman is abusing this child!!!" She followed the woman all throughout the mall yelling for security and security eventually showed up. Apparently, the woman became so disconcerted (and hopefully ashamed) she ran for the parking lot.

How good did my sister feel after this event? Fucking great. At the very least, I doubt that woman would try hitting her kid in public again, at the best, she was called out in front of dozens of strangers for behaving in a disgusting, inhumane manner and maybe she has dealt with her anger problem because of it.

Ideally, we are on this planet to help each other evolve and be better. Sometimes taking revenge is the best thing we can do to help our fellow human beings see the error of their ways. Ultimately, it is up to them to change, but a thump on the head might coax them in the right direction.

Getting back to another Tarantino film... Sam Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction saw himself as the righteous man, the shepherd, just trying to help God keep the weak flock from doing evil. I'm not sure if he is the best character to make my revenge point, however I did like his quote:

"There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

I'm not a religious person, but I do like the concept.

So if you want my advice, get out there and make the world a better place through taking revenge ;) You might want to memorize the passage above, it will probably scare the crap out of your favorite evildoer.

2009-08-17T16:49:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to my second blog posting - a little over two years from my last blog posting.

Yes, I'm on fire.

Just to clear up some old business - the girl baby from my last post, was finally named. I think I've left you hanging long enough. The child in question is now called....."Sophie" and regrettably, not Brunhilda. Why? I don't know. I secretly refer to her as Brunhilda anyway.

I saw that movie, Julie and Julia last night and thought about my sad little abandoned blog. To be honest, I had no idea where my blog was, I just Googled, "Blog websites" and went to the first one and realized that I was still logged in. So, here I am again, at my newly found Blog, Disrecognized Space. (That's for all of you Aeon Flux fans)

I don't have a point. I thought I'd write about a lot of topics that I find personally interesting - which could easily leave me the only one reading my blog. I'm guessing I'll be writing about travel, work life, films, politics, friends that are treating me badly (Beware Friends!), archaeology, observations, strange interactions with people, anything supernatural, technology, animals, food, music, cartoons or things that really irritate me. The last topic is one of my favorites. I collide regularly with sources of extreme irritation. Ask anyone.

As a personal promise from me to you, I will bookmark this site, so I can find it again. I will also update it more often than every two years. This should make the legions of readers out there breathe a deep sigh of relief. I'm sure it was like waiting for a new Harry Potter book to come out. Sorry fans - I'm back now.

BTW, feel free to comment on anything I write, I like the interaction, even if I decide that you are completely wrong.

Stay tuned...

Naming Things

2007-04-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog.

I have to admit that I'm already a little stressed from having to think up a blog name, a pen name and an address - it was NOT easily done considering I'm apparently the last person on earth to create a blog. I don't know if you know this, but practically ALL of the names ever thought of have been taken - even the really weird ones. I had to resort to cheating and used "Disrecognized Space" a couple of times. (Thank God for rarely used AeonFlux references)

It reminded me of that day I spent 2 hours (of my company's valuable time) on Citibank's website racking my brain for a password with letters and numbers in a sequence that no one else had used. Sadly, due to a lack of imagination, I was never able to log in and pay my bill.

Though it was looking bleak near the end of my blog naming spree, Furry Pumpkin just popped into my head. I don't care if it's stupid...it wasn't taken.

Speaking of naming things...normally I'm pretty good at it. I have a friend that is about 3 weeks away from having a baby. This friend and her husband still have no name for their nameless baby, which is bothersome to people that know them. Most of their friends want to know who the creature is, before they direct conversation to her belly.

There has been much discussion on what to name baby what's-her-face, however, my friend and her husband do not seem to agree on one particular name. However, after several months of deliberation, they did decide on a paint color for the baby's room.

I knew another couple with the same dilemma a while back, but the child was a nameless boy. They had asked me and a few other friends to come up with some ideas for a name. I got to work and came up with several, unique and iconoclastic names. I finally culled out the best ones to present to the new parents. My top three were; Lumpy, Ludwig, and King Smedley. I thought King Smedley was definitely the best, kind of classy... They agreed it was the best too.

Even thought they didn't pick King Smedley as a final name, they did refer to him as the King and do still call him the King on occasion, which I must say fills me with pride.

Ironically, they had no trouble finding a name for the second baby, even though I had offered to help them out again.

So, I thought I might be able to do the same for my other friend and help her come up with a name for her soon-to-be baby girl. This time, a great name just came to me with no problem at all - it just popped into my head. It was a strong name, a magical name, a unique name, a name that I believe will be in the top 10 most popular baby names this year. Brunhilda.

Though Brunhilda is currently considered a "place holder", my pregnant friend had to admit, and I quote, "It's as good as anything else at this point." Which sounds to me like a top contender.

I'm feeling quite confident that this couple will never agree on a name....ever and if that is the case, Brunhilda will win out by default.

To seal the deal, I've given the baby a personalized sun hat that says, "Brunhilda" in bright pink letters. Seriously, how can you not name it Brunhilda when the kid has a personalized sun hat?

I defy them to go with a lesser name.